Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
“Edible, playable, or nappable?”
Morning squee!!! :o])
It looks to me as if the nap is going to win.
The doggone chest pains woke me up this morning, and I hate that because I have things to do today. Right now, it’s calmed down, but it feels a little sluggish on my left neck and shoulder.
I will have a breathing treatment before I do laundry, and with luck, that will get things back to normal. It’s been a long time since I had any chest pains to speak of.
Good morning. Sorry about the chest pains, luck with the laundry!
We’re leaving for the gym in a minute.
I just had a steroid breathing treatment, so I’m hoping that will help to get the pains under control. Since I’ve been using the nebulizer, the chest pains aren’t nearly as bad as they were two years ago.
In fact, they are a rarity, though they do come, occasionally, and usually in the middle of the night... :o|
But I’m glad I only have to deal with them once in a while, now. It was getting scary, a few years ago!
We-ull, this morning I was greeted by a series of External Withdrawl Notices as the IRS, the NYS DOF, and the NYC DOF all took their share.
So much for retiring.
Ever.
(un)Happy Tax Day, all!
It almost won with me, too.
With every passing year I thank God for the aches and pains that have become a part of daily life.
It means I’m not dead yet.
Saturday I set a personal record for my 5K. I guess I’ll be ready for the 9/11 Memorial “fun run” I signed up for this Sunday.
And, yes, running contributes to the aforementioned aches. I took it up because people kept stopping by and checking my pulse at work.
Normally, I “welcome” aches and pains because, like you, they remind me I’m alive. But chest pains just flat out give me the heebie-jeebies. And of course, I want to stay busy so I can forget about them, and maybe they will go away. :o|
I’m sorry about all those folks dipping into your bank account. I hate that.
And congratulations on your record for the 5K! I can walk from here to NYC and back, but I can’t run. It jars too many things.
Correction: I can’t run even to the end of the sidewalk out my door....
Today’s kitty looks angelic. And a bit floofy.
To all my friends who love kitties,
Check out these babies.,no more blue Mondays.
http://cheezburger.com/79513089/video-good-morning-kittens?ref=whatspopular
Me too.
Eye surgery.
Here in Gotham you would not survive without a workout to help you with this.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0yuFy_qjolU
Your chest pains give the rest of us heebie-jeebies!
And you live in NYC because????
No state or local income tax in Nevada, just sayin’...
Best to you on the eye surgery.
I have a friend getting out of the horspittle after colon surgery today. He was diagnosed with colon cancer.
I don’t run. Period.
And 7K!
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