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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Will attempt to fix it when I get home.


6,721 posted on 04/13/2016 9:07:18 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

I wouldn’t read it if I where you. It contains malware, viruses, and root kits.
Plus you’d have to read it through a letter box slot, not a particularly nice way to read a book.


6,722 posted on 04/13/2016 9:07:55 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Actually, no, there were no Unauthorized Experiments in the back of the fridge, though there was one questionable bag of “something” that was just a few shades off of puce. The Experiments are few and far between because I have an intense dislike for things like mystery meat and Your Guess Chinese food.

So before they get to the Experimental Stage, they are tossed. :o]

I will never buy another Dell or Toshiba or even an HP. I will go to the Computer Place and have them build me something for $799, all repairs and upgrades included, for life. Yah. Like that.


6,723 posted on 04/13/2016 9:28:54 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Monkey Face
good day to all.

Wonder why this was on my recommended reading list.

...must have been that last search for Polish vodkas.

6,724 posted on 04/13/2016 9:28:54 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

I recall seeing something like biscuit crumbs and pieces, but it was before Walmart expanded into a mega-store. I think I saw them in the local Kroger store when we lived in CA. YEARS ago! LOL!

Biscuit crumbs and pieces are SO good...just put them in a bowl and add milk!


6,725 posted on 04/13/2016 9:31:26 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: null and void

K. Thanks! :o]


6,726 posted on 04/13/2016 9:31:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: moose07

I’ve had a copy of the Quran since Igor was in Saudi Arabia in the late ‘70’s. It’s really hard to read because it is so contradictory! It denies the Divinity of Jesus Christ in one place, and in another, it calls him a “minor prophet,” and in still another, it comments that he spoke to his mother Mary, when he was three days old.

No wonder the Muslims are so flipping angry!!!


6,727 posted on 04/13/2016 9:35:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Covenantor

Yes. Yes, the search for the perfect vodka. Only potatoes can produce that. Do you know any Polish potatoes that make vodka?


6,728 posted on 04/13/2016 9:36:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: moose07

Nope, that’s not a thing at our Walmart.


6,729 posted on 04/13/2016 9:38:36 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

Nothing makes me angrier than inconsistency.


6,730 posted on 04/13/2016 9:40:22 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; ArGee; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; null and void; nopardons
So, umm, did you make any scientific discoveries in the back of the fridge?

Funny you should mention that...

Don't know if they were past the sell date or staging a protest sit-in.

A toss up considering these guys were squawking in the front of the store, something about BLM I think.


6,731 posted on 04/13/2016 9:42:25 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Eews.


6,732 posted on 04/13/2016 9:44:04 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; moose07
Yes. Yes, the search for the perfect vodka. Only potatoes can produce that. Do you know any Polish potatoes that make vodka?

Drat! Just had the name on the tip of my tongue... all I can remember is that there were a lot of K's,W's,Y's, and Z's...I need to buy a wowel.

6,733 posted on 04/13/2016 9:50:48 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

A little off topic, but your pictures reminded me of some photos taken by a young woman from our church who is now a missionary to Cambodia. She had pictures of the market where she shops, and of course it had pictures of the hanging meat in the market. Someone commented on the flies, and she said, “One thing I’ve learned - if the flies don’t want it, neither do I!” I guess if the flies are avoiding the meat, it really must be bad.


6,734 posted on 04/13/2016 9:51:48 AM PDT by CA Conservative (Texan by birth, Californian by circumstance)
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To: CA Conservative

hmm... you’re postulating that the... umm...melanine chicken corpses act as a fly repellant. Interesting.

;>)


6,735 posted on 04/13/2016 9:55:50 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, it is the Undead Thread after all. Where else could I post them?


6,736 posted on 04/13/2016 9:57:25 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Y is on sale, three for the price of one.


6,737 posted on 04/13/2016 10:04:13 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Yessim. Those who are guilty of inconsistency are liars, period.


6,738 posted on 04/13/2016 10:31:33 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Covenantor; moose07

Oh. My. Goodness.

I’m plenty glad my fridge has neither of those things in it. I would be afraid to open the door!


6,739 posted on 04/13/2016 10:37:25 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face; moose07; Tax-chick
Things you can safely leave in the back of your fridge.

Traditional Scottish Halloween Jack-o-Lanterns, carved from turnips. Approved by Lucas Electric.

foot note: Director Tim Burton, after intensive regression therapy, discovered that as a child he had been frightened by these very same turnip lanterns while trying to sneak a mid-night snack. In homage, Burton has included them in everyone of his films...look carefully.

6,740 posted on 04/13/2016 10:54:55 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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