Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Five snuggle buddies. I’m totally in. I want.
It’s raining cats and dogs here, I was going to say “It’s raining men” and now have that song stuck in my head. Dang!
I agree with your statement. It’s sad.
However, we are nice here and we have kittehs.
It’s nice to meet you, Dead Corpse.
Bacon makes everything better!
It’s fooking snowing here. And I just shaved off my beard. *sigh*
Good morning Bob. I hope the rain isn’t by you as well.
Snow! Cheese and rice!
p.s. I’ve never had a beard. :)
No, you DIT’n shave your beard! Why didn’t you do that before you visit so I could see what you look like? *har*
"Brain the size of a planet..."
/Marvin the paranoid android
Greetings and salutations... :-)
The laundry is done, but now I have a whole new batch staring me in the face. It never ends! And it’s only me that I wash for! *sheesh*
It’s overcast and windy, 68 degrees, SW @ 8 mph,30% chance of rain, 33%. Strange. But it’s still March, so the good weather is a week or two away.
The winds will be up to 45 mph by noon, and gusting to 60, so this is not pleasant.
As I was coming out of the laundry room, it looked like Mt. Charleston was getting some rain. It’s an ugly day all the way around.
I’m sorry, I should have made introductions; Dead Corpse, this is Gefn, another cat lady! She lives in NJ and is getting rained on.
The good thing is she is in close proximity to Covenantor, Nicknamedbob, and ArGee.
Maybe you’ll discover a new element.
How is the family?
I vas unter odors...
Ach. Yezzz. I zee.
You could stop changing your clothes. We'd still welcome you in the Flying Castle.
If she just put her clothes down the correct chute, they would wind up here, and then I would wash them.
I don’t know how I come up with so many dirty clothes. I mean, it’s not like I changed every day, like I would if I had a job and/or had to be around more people than just me.
(You have FReepmail, T-c)
Good. Growing like weeds... Or well fed children... One of the two.
How is your brood doing? Well, I hope...
My clothes are tacky enough without the fabric matches the clothes teleporter comes up with.
Did I get it?
For the record 5800 = 4
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