ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Happy birthday, Darkchylde!

(You know, NoC, that I couldn’t resist that!)

[Tax-chick]

Anoreth’s birthday, too. I’ll try to find a Two Beautiful Daughters Birthday Kitteh.

[Tax-chick]

Happy Birthday to Darkchylde and Anoreth!

[Tax-chick]

[Monkey Face]

Happy Birthday, Anoreth!

(Am I late for this celebration?)

[Tax-chick]

Anoreth lives in your time zone.

Good morning. It’s raining here.

[Monkey Face]

Happy Easter!!

I’m coming down with something and I have no idea what it is, but I sure don’t feel very good.

Right now, I’m dealing with cold chills and coughing, and I just made some tea.

I’m going to take a hot shower in a bit and hope the steam helps the coughing, but I suspect whatever this is, it isn’t going to be fun.

But I wonder...if I cough, will you get my germs? ;o]

[Tax-chick]

Have some cake:

[Tax-chick]

Please cough toward California.

[Monkey Face]

It’s just windy, here. I thought that was why I was coughing so much, but that’s not the case.

I just turned on the heat lamp in the bathroom. I hate being cold.

[Monkey Face]

That looks like something Dead Corpse would like!

He’s been working out and has lost a lot of weight. He posted a pic on FB a while back. I learned a year or so ago that if I find something about Vikings on FB, he’s already found it! Must be his heritage!

[Monkey Face]

Mulberry, ash and juniper pollens are high, and the wind won’t let up until Tuesday.

Actually, I think I’m coughing towards Colorado...

By Monday, we expect 43 mph SUSTAINED winds Monday afternoon, gusting up to 65.

[Monkey Face]

*jeeze*

My brain has gone walkabout, I guess; two Mondays in the same sentence? *sheesh*

[Tax-chick]

Wow, you could use some better weather.

DC, help yourself to some birthday cake.

[null and void]

Happy Birthday to Darkchylde and Anoreth!

And Happy Easter, too, I guess...

[Gefn]

Happy happy birthday.

[Gefn]

I’d like a Viking birthday cake! My name here is after a Viking goddess.

[Gefn]

The one who loved kittehs of course.

[moose07]

Happy Birthday, Ladies.

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There is this box in the kitchen,I'm told it is called a dishwasher.
I can't see how it can reach up to the sink.....

[Tax-chick]

Freya.