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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Dead Corpse

I should have known.... ;o]


481 posted on 12/18/2015 7:43:19 AM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Dead Corpse; Tax-chick; Monkey Face

“It’s horrible!”
“My beard!”
“Me ears is full of.. what is this stuff?!”

The reviews are in, it’s a hit!


482 posted on 12/18/2015 8:28:29 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare; Dead Corpse

Odd...I saw the same thing on FB!! LOL!

The image is amazingly accurate for a dust cloud!


483 posted on 12/18/2015 8:40:24 AM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m glad you’re doing better today. I have to go to Walmart again, also the hardware store to get paint for the little boys’ room.

The check for Bill and Tom’s tuition hasn’t come yet, and I can’t find the bill for the house payment. Let me know if you think of anything.


484 posted on 12/18/2015 9:12:31 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

After ordering the ink, I don’t have enough left to get change for laundry. The minimum is $20 at Walmart and $5 at 7-11 or Rebel.

Oh yes...and because I was feeling so ugly yesterday, I didn’t tell you that my rent went up again. This time, only by $5, but that’s still going to smart come payday.

It would be so nice to be putting that rent payment into a mortgage and insurance payment!

There is still something going on on FB; I try to turn on the sound and the page changes again. That’s disturbing as all get-out.

I’m going to go check the mail and then come back. I need some fresh air!


485 posted on 12/18/2015 9:34:25 AM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Dead Corpse

I like the exploding dust kitty.

Got snow?


486 posted on 12/18/2015 11:01:33 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

GAH!!! Is it too late to cancel today? I got an email saying the ink was in, so I went on to Walmart, had to park in the North 40, and wade through the crowds to the back of the store. There I was told that the ink wasn’t in, so it had to be at another store.

So I fought my way back out of the store, and drove over to the BIG Walmart, where I KNEW I would have to fight for parking and also stand in line for 30 minutes behind a crowd. I didn’t have to park in the North 40 there, and found a place fairly soon.

No one was in the Pick-Up area, including Walmart employees. It took about 10 minutes for someone to show up and there were two people ahead of me. It went fairly fast, but I had no print out for the pick-up because I needed ink for that. And she couldn’t find the ink because she was looking for a printer.

GAH!

Anyway, I’m home. Sweaty and cranky and not a happy camper, but I have ink, which went up $1.50+ since the last time I bought it (six months ago?). Grrrr.

I need to take my pills. I’m 30 minutes late for the supplements and about two hours late for the morphine. Ungh!


487 posted on 12/18/2015 12:34:03 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Monkey Face

At least you didn’t do all that and not get the ink!


488 posted on 12/18/2015 12:59:39 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

I was prepared for that, and that’s the truth!!

I’m calming down a little, as it isn’t good for me to be up settled. ;o]

Dang! I still didn’t take the pills! UNGHHH!


489 posted on 12/18/2015 1:03:40 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Monkey Face

Better take the pills!

I’m having some curry leftovers from last night, and then I’ll have a cup of tea. Cub Scouts Christmas party tonight: roller skating!


490 posted on 12/18/2015 1:06:53 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

I haven’t had any curried rice for a long time! I think I may have to make some!

And I DID take the pills!


491 posted on 12/18/2015 1:29:06 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Monkey Face

Good! This was a curry dish with butternut squash and chickpeas. Between yesterday and today, the WW website changed it from 6 to 7 points: the bowl last night was still 6, but the leftovers are 7. Maybe it’s calculating that the chickpeas settled to the bottom, so there are more of them in the leftovers.


492 posted on 12/18/2015 1:32:49 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: moose07

Here. Morning was shot because the dog was sick. Afternoon was shot making up for the work of the morning and thinking up zombie jokes.

Now for the fun - but it’s 5:00.


493 posted on 12/18/2015 1:59:17 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Tax-chick

I will have to buy another squash, next time I go to Walmart. I think I will have to freeze the half I don’t use right away. Squash is so doggone good! But maybe that’s because I grew up with it.

My mother was born in 1908, and she came from a family that seemed to be either feast or famine, as her dad worked in the mines, though what kind, I don’t know. Whatever ore was in the mountains around Kingman AZ. I can recall, as a kid, looking in the cupboards for something to eat and seeing NOTHING!

But come mealtime, and there was a full meal on the table, and enough of it to feed a family of seven (or eight, if my dad was home.)

Sometimes, our meals on Friday or Saturday nights were biscuits or cinnamon rolls, and it was only later that I realized it was probably while she was waiting for the next money to come in from my dad.

And yes, I have gone hungry, both as a child and as an adult.


494 posted on 12/18/2015 2:02:27 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: ArGee

Is your dog OK? Do you know what was wrong with him/her?

I hope everything is OK, now.

You were missed, but I promise, come Monday, we will take better aim!


495 posted on 12/18/2015 2:05:38 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: Monkey Face

Maggie, our standard poodle is nearly 11-y-o. She was acting much less puppy-ish than was normal and panting so we thought she might have a fever. Here temperature was only very slightly elevated. We talked the vet into anti-biotic pills anyway because we went through this once before. She’s still a little listless but she’s eating (because she gets chicken and rice instead of dog food when she’s sick) and drinking so we’re hopeful.

Can anyone think of what Ted Cruz would say when confronted by a zombie? I’ve kind of run out of steam. I was going to try to get OFST to 100 with zombie jokes.


496 posted on 12/18/2015 2:08:58 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

I have always loved standard poodles, and thought for a long time that I would like to have one. But they are rare out here, even through the online rescue agency. Is there any diagnosis for her condition? You said it happened before?

I hope Maggie gets all the chicken and rice she could want, and that she heals quickly! *hug to Maggie*

Ya know, I never even went to OFST today! My brems were falling out, and I had to stuff them back in.


497 posted on 12/18/2015 2:37:57 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face; Tax-chick
"Can anyone think of what Ted Cruz would say when confronted by a zombie?"

Hey there! I hope you'll vote for me.
I have influence, you know.
I could get you on the no-fly list.

498 posted on 12/18/2015 2:46:15 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face; ArGee; Darksheare
"Can anyone think of what Ted Cruz would say when confronted by a zombie?"

"Bernie! I love what you've done with your hair!"

499 posted on 12/18/2015 2:55:23 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

LOL!


500 posted on 12/18/2015 3:03:01 PM PST by Monkey Face (There just isn't enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.)
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