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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

I’ll remind you to never buy another Windoze device.

Press the power key and hold it for 10 seconds until the system powers off.

Remove the battery.

Wait 5 minutes.

Replace the battery and press on.

(See what I did there?)


4,761 posted on 03/05/2016 11:59:26 AM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face
"Wait 5 minutes. Replace the battery and press on. (See what I did there?)"

Yeah. You recommended putting away the confuzer and reading Chuck Yeager's book.


4,762 posted on 03/05/2016 12:42:58 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitten invites you to find someplace else to sit.

4,763 posted on 03/06/2016 3:09:37 AM PST by Tax-chick (Support Ted Cruz! He might not be as bad as the other available choices!)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07
Cat caucus for Fluffy...no one leaves until Fluffy gets your vote.

HTML tip:

When attempting to post images on this forum use the standard ""img src= "" no matter how awesome the image is. Just because the keyboard "o" is adjacent to "i" don't assume ""OMG src="" will work. It won't.

If your predictive keyboard insists on inserting OMG, well, statistics indicate your viewing habits need a serious reconsideration.

4,764 posted on 03/06/2016 4:08:00 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Also, you can use the “width=N” feature to make your image a little smaller.

Good morning. I was up too late waiting for the cats to come home after Kathleen let them out.


4,765 posted on 03/06/2016 4:10:52 AM PST by Tax-chick (Support Ted Cruz! He might not be as bad as the other available choices!)
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To: Tax-chick

n key is stuck sometimes...maybe.

;>)


4,766 posted on 03/06/2016 4:15:03 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Both cats were inside. The front door was locked. We all went upstairs. Then I remembered I’d turned off the sound on my phone before Mass, and thought I should see if anyone had phoned or texted in the following several hours. I arrived downstairs to see that the front door was standing open and the cats were nowhere in sight.

(Jake was still inside at that point, actually, but he ran out while I was trying to persuade Shannon to come back.)

After several confusions, including Sally’s going out the back door and scaring the bejabbers out of me coming in the front, I finished the book I was reading about the time Jake decided he really didn’t want to stay out all night and turned up on the front step, Mao!


4,767 posted on 03/06/2016 4:19:40 AM PST by Tax-chick (Support Ted Cruz! He might not be as bad as the other available choices!)
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To: Tax-chick

The cats revealed they know the secret of locks? How careless.


4,768 posted on 03/06/2016 5:23:43 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

They mind-controlled Kathleen. It doesn’t take much.


4,769 posted on 03/06/2016 5:24:48 AM PST by Tax-chick (Support Ted Cruz! He might not be as bad as the other available choices!)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

— Just because the keyboard “o” is adjacent to “i” don’t assume “”OMG src=”” will work. It won’t. —

Actually, thinking about it, “OMG src” really ought to be awesome.


4,770 posted on 03/06/2016 6:41:41 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well. That was disgusting. The food was good, of course, but I shut down the computer and it got stuck on “Shutting Down” again. GAH!!!!

I went outside and talked to Charlie, and wondered how I ever got roped into buying a Dell. If it goes to the shop once more, I don’t want it back.

I took the battery out, then let it get rid of some static and started it back up. Same thing when I shut it down for the day...GR-R-R-R-RRRR!

The T-shirts came yesterday, and I have to tell you, I’ve never had a purple T-shirt, so I like the one you sent. They are all fun, because it makes me seem like I’m a T-shirt buyer from all over the country. LOL!

Thanks!!!


4,771 posted on 03/06/2016 7:04:08 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: null and void; Tax-chick

Basil Rathbone will ALWAYS be Sherlock Holmes to me!


4,772 posted on 03/06/2016 7:07:01 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Covenantor

That look more like a jackadeer. Jackalope antlers only have two prongs. But then, I’ve been known to pick a nit or two...


4,773 posted on 03/06/2016 7:09:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face; Mycroft Holmes

Yes, but Jeremy Brett was the most true to Conan Doyle’s Sherlock.

What say you Mycroft?


4,774 posted on 03/06/2016 7:11:12 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick

Not to mention that some Random Facts and Trivia Questions can lend themselves to inane definitions that cause a lot of joviality in those intelligent enough to get the joke.

I suspect Patrick could run with the best of them!


4,775 posted on 03/06/2016 7:14:08 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

Lupus is almost as complex as CFIDS, but there is no test for the latter: Only a long list of symptoms.


4,776 posted on 03/06/2016 7:15:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

She might also benefit from colloidial silver. It’s expensive, but I’m pretty sure that colloidial silver is responsible for the improvement in my overall being. I will not be without it. I feel almost “normal.”


4,777 posted on 03/06/2016 7:18:56 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: ArGee

I engraved that in the stone I call my brems. I’m sure I will remember it. Thanks!!


4,778 posted on 03/06/2016 7:24:09 AM PST by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07
Actually, thinking about it, “OMG src” really ought to be awesome.

Maybe it exists. Just have to find a real OMG image. Or the syntax is "OMG! src", one of those hidden tags known but to few.

4,779 posted on 03/06/2016 7:26:22 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Monkey Face

(hanging head) so you want me to take a tine out?


4,780 posted on 03/06/2016 7:28:29 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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