ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Tax-chick]

[Monkey Face]

Unless the original On The Street Where You Live had been tainted by Mad
Magazine.

[Tax-chick]

I have had very little exposure to Mad magazine in my life. I’m aware of its existence and a few images, but that’s all.

[Monkey Face]

:My computer is stuck on shutting down for some reason and I can’t get online except on my Beeber like debice.
it started last night and I had to force it to shut down and now it still shutting down so I don’t kno,w what’s going on with it. remind me never to buy another Dell

[Tax-chick]

Aw, phooey.

[Monkey Face]

this is going to be one ugly day.I didn’t turn the exhaust fan on when I took my shower and as a result I was hot and clammy and it was hard to get my clothes onbecause of the heat lamp
I got my pills sorted and took the morning dose and went to make some Instant Breakfast and milk was just at the right angle to hit the cup inside and spilled the whole thing all over my counter. I want to go back to bed

[Tax-chick]

You could go back to bed.

[Covenantor]

[moose07]

A www, So nice of that Human to donate its fingers to a damaged Bunny.

[Tax-chick]

I was trying to draw a rabbit the other night at Cub Scouts, and I couldn’t remember what its nose should look like.

[Covenantor]

Mobi digital cellular repeater, very user friendly... batteries not required.

[moose07]

Clever.
No more Cellphone dead spots out in the countryside.
Self replicating too, None of it will be made by FoxConn....

[Tax-chick]

LOL! Just make sure they’re all on the correct frequency.

[moose07]

Kenneth deals with all frequency issues.....

[Tax-chick]

Good point.

[Covenantor]

Self replicating too, None of it will be made by FoxConn....

The damn Chinese have already stolen the design!

All the more reason to support fox hunting.

[Tax-chick]

Well, that’s not going to work.

[Covenantor]

well played...Rather good joke, that.

[null and void]

[Tax-chick]

LOL!