Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 4,521-4,540, 4,541-4,560, 4,561-4,580 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Maybe in your next place ...


4,541 posted on 03/01/2016 2:48:16 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4539 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Dolly Parton is an amazing woman! The good Lord gave her looks, brains and talent, and she has done well with those gifts.

A Bi-Lingual class might be good for me, too...I’ve forgotten half the Spanish I learned in high school!

And with that, I’m outta here!

Manana!


4,542 posted on 03/01/2016 2:53:16 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4540 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I can hope... :o])


4,543 posted on 03/01/2016 2:53:59 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4541 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Have a good night!


4,544 posted on 03/01/2016 3:02:04 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4543 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Rex Harrison ... exquisite!


4,545 posted on 03/01/2016 3:05:09 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4525 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick
"I really WOULD like the little hummers to visit me..."

Maybe you could "hang" the feeder, and then secure it with a tether so it won't blow around. Even a bit of fishing line down to a weight would keep it from swinging too much.

4,546 posted on 03/01/2016 3:17:06 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4539 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,547 posted on 03/02/2016 2:42:34 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4545 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Yes, Rex Harrison WAS exquisite, wasn’t he?

And I had a rough night. However, I will get myself together and head for Walmart in a bit. The list is long and therefore, ugly.

We’re having another record-breaker of a day, today, but Monday, we will be 20 degrees cooler. We obviously have a few days of winter that we have to use up before we can start on summer. ;o|


4,548 posted on 03/02/2016 4:54:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4545 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob

Hmmm...maybe I can do that very thing, tethering. I will cogitate that.


4,549 posted on 03/02/2016 4:59:07 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4546 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

THAT’S cute! Now I’m off to Walmart.


4,550 posted on 03/02/2016 5:00:02 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4547 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Warm this week, expecting 5 days of snow next week.


4,551 posted on 03/02/2016 6:49:47 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4522 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; All

Home from Walmart but I will have to go again in the morning because I forgot a few things.

I’m tired this morning, but I managed to put the pork roast in the crock pot; I had to get some BBQ sauce for it. I might buy some frozen loaded baked potatoes. They are pretty good.

It depends on my appetite at the time. I wanted to make some artisan bread, but I don’t have the energy for that. Feels like a relapse, but it could be nothing more than allergies.


4,552 posted on 03/02/2016 6:53:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4550 | View Replies]

To: null and void

I know when you get “weather,” we’re going to have a milder version of it. How are you doing after the accident? Are you over all the stiffness?

How’s yer mum?


4,553 posted on 03/02/2016 7:01:59 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4551 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Morning. We’ve been to the gym. Now we have a few hours for school before it’s time to get Tom.


4,554 posted on 03/02/2016 7:19:49 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4552 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Pat says hi. Others say Hi, too.


4,555 posted on 03/02/2016 7:20:04 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4553 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Got any 5’s?

Hi, Pat, and Others!!!

I’ve been on the go since 0500, and just got home. I want to go outside, but I need to take some morphine, Ibuprofen and have a steroid breathing treatment, and then I will go outside for a while. :o]

I blew through the money like it was payday! LOL!


4,556 posted on 03/02/2016 9:09:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4555 | View Replies]

Haven't got time to be here, so:

Have a Puppy.

4,557 posted on 03/02/2016 10:59:08 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4556 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Thanks!! I love Dalmatians!!

<3


4,558 posted on 03/02/2016 11:11:32 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4557 | View Replies]

To: moose07

I thought the gift for FR was a rabbit with a pancake on its head.

Or am I dating myself?


4,559 posted on 03/02/2016 12:02:45 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4557 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Dating yourself? You either have a massive ego, or the field for female dates is awfully limited!

*snort*

:oP


4,560 posted on 03/02/2016 12:07:23 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4559 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 4,521-4,540, 4,541-4,560, 4,561-4,580 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson