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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

I think my parents subscribed to the same service, farther west. ;o]


4,521 posted on 03/01/2016 1:01:52 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: ArGee

It’s overcast, now, but still 80 degrees! I’m still in thermal shirts because by Monday, we will be 23 degrees cooler.

I’m already sick of political ads and wonder how I’m going to survive the next six months....


4,522 posted on 03/01/2016 1:08:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Tax-chick

I was “elected” to print up some flyers for one of the “teams” running for office here at Espinoza. Right in the middle of it, I got a visit from two women from a “last requests and burial” company whose every other phrase was “God forbid you should die tomorrow.” I loathe the term “God forbid.” If people knew how awful that sounds, they would never use it again.

I’m afraid I was very rude to them, and told them in no uncertain terms that I didn’t plan on dying any time soon, and that I was not willing to add another payment plan to my already over-burdened budget. It almost took an act of Congress to get them out of here!

Anyway, the ink for the flyers (100) will be bought on Thursday, so I can print the stuff they want. I suspect I have been roped into something without my actual consent and awareness...

*sheesh*

The Galileo says it’s 84 in here with the door open.

Remind me to get BBQ sauce tomorrow so I can put a pork roast in the crock pot as soon as I get back from Walmart. All the bills are paid but one, and I should be able to take care of that by Friday.


4,523 posted on 03/01/2016 1:20:52 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

Don’t forget BBQ sauce tomorrow. I may even remember in my early morning, which is before yours.

I have to go to the hardware store tomorrow for a birdhouse kit for Frank. They didn’t have one at Walmart. They had model plane and boat kits, and they had prefab birdhouses, but no birdhouse kit. I know Lowe’s has them.


4,524 posted on 03/01/2016 1:24:29 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

“Why Can’t the English” from “My Fair Lady.”


4,525 posted on 03/01/2016 1:40:09 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: Monkey Face

The actual phrase is God forfend. But since nobody knows what forfend means they changed it.


4,526 posted on 03/01/2016 1:42:11 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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Oh, and I wouldn’t want God to forfend my death. I’m rather looking forward to my new home.

One day a Hindu was trying to explain reincarnation to me. I told him that sounded a lot like being flushed down the toilet bowl only to find yourself swirling around in it again and again. NO THANKS!


4,527 posted on 03/01/2016 1:43:50 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face

“Heaven forfend.” It’s in Shakespeare!


4,528 posted on 03/01/2016 1:53:08 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

Thanks for the reminder to get BBQ sauce!

I would like a birdhouse, as my patio is protected, but I don’t know what kind of bird it would attract. We have pigeons (which are periodically killed because of the diseases they spread,) mocking birds, mourning doves, crows, the occasional sparrow hawk, and a few sparrows. I can’t hang a hummer feeder because of the wind that rips through my patio from SE to SW. It spills the syrup so none but the ants get it, and THAT is unacceptable!


4,529 posted on 03/01/2016 1:54:28 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: ArGee

That’s interesting. Hmmmm...

Anyway, the next time someone says that to me, I will reply in kind. One of my peeps suggested that I say, “God forbid you get out that door untouched,” but I’m a little more genteel than that! LOL!


4,530 posted on 03/01/2016 1:57:06 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

We have a hummingbird feeder that sticks on the window with a suction cup. That might be stable for you. We love the Angry Bird Show in the summer.

Then we have Tom the Mocker and his battles with the catz.


4,531 posted on 03/01/2016 1:57:58 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee

Interesting!


4,532 posted on 03/01/2016 2:01:08 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Tax-chick

Nope. The window sticky-thingy won’t work, either because we have security screens in front of the windows. If we had bars, it would be different, but they are screens.

*sigh*


4,533 posted on 03/01/2016 2:03:03 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

Oh, well.


4,534 posted on 03/01/2016 2:05:33 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Monkey Face

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tX_R8k11p8

This is a song Emmylou Harris wrote about her father. I need to learn it. Elen or DP can play guitar.


4,535 posted on 03/01/2016 2:10:50 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

It’s on her album “Red Dirt Girl” which I have and love. I put the headphones on, crank up the volume, suck on some wine and I know every reason she wrote every song.

I love her with Dally Parton and Linda Ronstadt on “Trio.”

Her voice is one in a million. As are theirs.

Of course, Bonnie Raitt is another singer I love to listen to.


4,536 posted on 03/01/2016 2:26:31 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m not fond of Bonnie Raitt, but I love Dolly Parton. Such a smart woman!


4,537 posted on 03/01/2016 2:31:29 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

I don’t like everything Bonnie Raitt did, but I DO like most of Dolly Parton’s songs. And she has written songs that have boosted other singers to fame.

I love music. I need to listen to it more often...

And now, I’m taking my aggravating bundle off to bed. We is tired and beaten up by mulberry pollens. So, I’m outta here. I’ll see all y’all before the sun comes up and makes the pollens active again.

:o])


4,538 posted on 03/01/2016 2:46:29 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Tax-chick

Thanks for the suggestion, though...I really WOULD like the little hummers to visit me... ;o]


4,539 posted on 03/01/2016 2:47:26 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

Dolly is a gazillionaire now because she decided early in her career that she would never sell any of her songs, only license them for individual use by, say, Elvis Presley. A smart, smart woman!

Hope you have a good night. I’m teaching my bilingual supplemental sacrament class tonight and the next several Tuesdays.


4,540 posted on 03/01/2016 2:47:59 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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