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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mCU9iCRxI0g

Oh, yes! Cracking drive.
That would have been a real adventure before the hard top was installed.
Would love to drive my own car through there..... :)


4,361 posted on 02/25/2016 1:27:29 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

Caught sight of your post before it was pulled, that was hilarious.
:)


4,362 posted on 02/25/2016 1:41:20 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Thank you, thank you very much.

It’s fun to play with trolls like lou and get them to bust the way he is doing.

LMAO!!

I informed him his wife cheats on him, and his neighbors all laugh at him. Was that too much?


4,363 posted on 02/25/2016 1:43:26 PM PST by Travis T. OJustice (I miss my dad.)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

He opened the engagement....
All is fair in Love, War,and Troll waking. :)

Shame the thread was pulled, it would have been a classic.


4,364 posted on 02/25/2016 1:54:00 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

That video was either in the Spring or the Fall. In winter, there is seldom any sun on the drive, and in the summer, hardly any shade.

Every once in a while, when I had to come to Vegas, I would take “the old road,” (Highway 91) through the Shivwits Indian Reservation, and though it is slower, it is much more scenic.

Thanks for the video, though! I love that drive!


4,365 posted on 02/25/2016 1:55:43 PM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: Tax-chick

I wanted to spend some time knitting today, but maybe I can make it happen tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I also need to contact SW Medical and see about having that spinal procedure set back to April because I just can not do an afternoon procedure at the Surgical Center. It’s in the most traffic congested part of town.

And I need to find a reliable ride.

I’m glad you are taking some down time. You don’t do that often enough! You will have to text me occasionally to let me know how that’s going! ;o]


4,366 posted on 02/25/2016 2:01:48 PM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: All

It was an accident, involving stupidity. Excessive cutting of the structure whilst placing charges.

4,367 posted on 02/25/2016 3:22:18 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

What sort of facility was that?


4,368 posted on 02/25/2016 5:27:48 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: Monkey Face

Is true, I don’t get enough time off. My prayer group said, “You have a weekend off, and you’re only going to Mint Hill?” but I don’t want to waste any time in travel when I could be sitting in my friends’ living room listening to myself breathing.


4,369 posted on 02/25/2016 5:28:54 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: Tax-chick

That was our Coalfired power station.
The building in the pic is the boiler and coal dust injection system.
Eight boilers attached to four turbines.
They are still looking for the three missing workers.


4,370 posted on 02/25/2016 5:42:14 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Oh, that’s dreadful. My sympathies to all.


4,371 posted on 02/25/2016 5:43:24 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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Must go, g’night. :)


4,372 posted on 02/25/2016 5:44:25 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,373 posted on 02/26/2016 2:25:09 AM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: Tax-chick

Morning, TC.
Frosty with the Sun out.


4,374 posted on 02/26/2016 4:01:56 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Morning. 32 here. I’ll have to go out before it gets warm, too.


4,375 posted on 02/26/2016 4:09:49 AM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick

52 and clear, here, and I’m headed to Walgreen’s for my script, then Walmart for a few things, then home. I’m not feeling well this morning and I’m sure it’s from yesterday.

See you when I get back.


4,376 posted on 02/26/2016 5:25:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: moose07

Yeah, that could have been fun. Mods can be too fast sometimes!

I plan to play with that chew toy some more.


4,377 posted on 02/26/2016 6:06:47 AM PST by Travis T. OJustice (I miss my dad.)
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To: moose07

Seriously? I’ll have to look into that one.

I really wanted to go to work for Controlled Demolition when I got out of college, but that job is really boring, except for about 15 seconds on a sunday morning every half year or so.


4,378 posted on 02/26/2016 6:08:20 AM PST by Travis T. OJustice (I miss my dad.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07

Back. The pharmacist tried to give me someone else’s Gabapentin, but he caught it — Lynne, same last name as mine. I said it was odd because I take it, too!

The day shift leaves all the prescription filling for him to do overnight. I’ve been there in the daytime and they can have 10 people in there and only three are visibly working. I will have to complain. When I left, just before 0600, he had over 50 prescriptions yet to fill, and he gets off at 0800. No wonder mistakes are made in medications.

Walmart only had one bottle of Riesling, and no magnums, and that’s OK — it wasn’t too long ago when they didn’t even carry it. :o]

I will try to work on Igor’s history today. Until I can figure out how to get Win 10 to adapt to the older records in my hard drive, I will have to reconstruct everything.


4,379 posted on 02/26/2016 6:31:10 AM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m glad you got it worked out. Bill managed to iron his own shirt this morning, but he left the ironing board up. I can’t take it down because it skreeks when you fold it and it would upset Jake, who is napping there in his Sunbeam. Always someone to think about ...

Elen’s taking the placement test at Central Piedmont this morning. She’s pretty sure she’ll do well enough that she’ll qualify for regular, as opposed to remedial, math. If not, she can do extra study on what she found difficult and take the test again next week.


4,380 posted on 02/26/2016 6:50:19 AM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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