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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

There’s a vid of one repeatedly slapping a small fish on a rock. One way to tenderize.


4,201 posted on 02/23/2016 4:44:14 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Animals are endlessly fascinating.


4,202 posted on 02/23/2016 4:45:51 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee; moose07

Kookaburra is in the kingfisher family, they throw their shrimp on the barbie.

;>)


4,203 posted on 02/23/2016 4:48:17 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LOL!


4,204 posted on 02/23/2016 5:03:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That’s why it helps to have a local agent.


4,205 posted on 02/23/2016 5:15:41 AM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: moose07

What do you mean? I have no special powers.

And if you’re referring to the mysterious hero, you may just have to wait until you need him.

(He may just be a typical American voter.)


4,206 posted on 02/23/2016 5:16:56 AM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: moose07

Well. I guess that’s as good a name for it as any! LOL!

Somewhere, back in my earlier ancestry, I’m sure I have some Zulu, since several of my stalwart ancestors left Holland for So Africa, and it was only in the mid-1800’s that they emigrated to America and the Territories. (Not to be confused with the Colonies!) :o])

At any rate, it would explain my dad’s almost kinky hair.


4,207 posted on 02/23/2016 5:36:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: PROCON

Cute, Procon! Those kittehs are so very curious about the “dah!”


4,208 posted on 02/23/2016 5:37:06 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick

Floofy squee!!!


4,209 posted on 02/23/2016 5:45:26 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor

I couldn’t watch him swallow that crawdad. That was just too much for my early morning stomach.

I will trust sterner folks for the report on said demise and consumption of the crustacean.


4,210 posted on 02/23/2016 5:50:35 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Covenantor

*groan*


4,211 posted on 02/23/2016 5:51:52 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Guess I don’t understand as I eat my shrimp crunchy style, all but the legs and tail of the medium size. mmmmmmm mmm mmmm


4,212 posted on 02/23/2016 5:57:46 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor
"Gotta do something, I guess, if you don't have hands that make tools."

Somebody, I'm pretty sure it was me, said "To make us in His image, He had to give us hands".

4,213 posted on 02/23/2016 6:30:54 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Monkey Face

“Ulp!”


4,214 posted on 02/23/2016 6:46:47 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Covenantor

Well, see? It’s like this: I seldom ever eat shrimp, and even less often, other types of seafood. And this is especially odd when you know that I spent the first five years of my life on an island.

I’m just strange... :o|


4,215 posted on 02/23/2016 6:47:24 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Noticed the odd phenomena in the Maritimes and New England, many fishermen don’t know how to swim.


4,216 posted on 02/23/2016 7:12:54 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Not much point in learning to swim when the water is so cold you’d expire from hypothermia before you could swim anywhere.


4,217 posted on 02/23/2016 7:18:03 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: Covenantor

In a way, that seems odd, but from another standpoint, maybe they think they will never need the talent. Idunno.


4,218 posted on 02/23/2016 7:52:53 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Covenantor

So, Rich Mullins, a powerful theologan/singer/songwriter used to talk at his concerts about the sweaters the (I think Irish) fishermen would wear. They were useful because when a sailor or ship was lost and the body would wash up it wasn’t always identifiable. But the sweaters would survive and the wife could say, “Yes, that’s the sweater I made him”

Then some time would go by and Rich would talk about how he was probably going to wash up on yonder shore a complete wreck of a man but Jesus would recognize him anyway. The angel would ask, “How can you be sure?” and Jesus would answer, “See that sweater he’s wearing?”

In the context of his concert it still makes me laugh to think of that story.


4,219 posted on 02/23/2016 8:08:50 AM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: ArGee

“I checked his dental records.”


4,220 posted on 02/23/2016 8:56:02 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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