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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

I love your stories! Makes for some very good reading! Thanks!


4,061 posted on 02/20/2016 12:16:48 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face; All
Kingfisher. Fugbook


4,062 posted on 02/20/2016 12:24:26 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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Tower of London.

4,063 posted on 02/20/2016 12:30:03 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face; moose07

I was waiting for the disastrous conclusion, but it didn’t happen.

Speaking of disaster, Frank just turned up, wailing and covered with mud. I’m not sure why he was wailing, since he is injury-free. It’s not like anything other than a shower happens to people who turn up here covered with mud.


4,064 posted on 02/20/2016 12:34:30 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Could be shock.
Being used as a human bridge can have side effects.

June 23 EU referendum.


4,065 posted on 02/20/2016 12:53:56 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Beautiful. What is “fugbook”?


4,066 posted on 02/20/2016 12:55:11 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: moose07

Good luck in the referendum.

The splatter-pattern does not support bridgehood. He says he didn’t fall in the mud, which implies that he jumped.


4,067 posted on 02/20/2016 12:56:44 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Facebook.
Those little birds are everywhere if you keep the noise down when near water. :)


4,068 posted on 02/20/2016 12:57:17 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

I’m always telling the children that they have to stop yelling if they want to find any animal friends.


4,069 posted on 02/20/2016 12:58:23 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Ah, self inflicted Shower syndrome.


4,070 posted on 02/20/2016 12:58:36 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

A hot shower, no less. We encourage children to get filthy, as long as it’s followed by appropriate cleanup.

Maybe the puddle or stream was colder than he expected.


4,071 posted on 02/20/2016 1:01:54 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Pictures or it never happened.


4,072 posted on 02/20/2016 1:05:52 PM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: Tax-chick

A German study done in the 80s and 90s proved the long term health benefits of a young child being aloud to play in the mud.

As my Mum would say: He’ll live. :)


4,073 posted on 02/20/2016 1:07:25 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

WOW!

The colors!!! My favorites!


4,074 posted on 02/20/2016 1:14:13 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: moose07

All of them have lived, so far. Not even a broken bone, although Frank had stitches when he was about 2 and now has a fine scar right up his forehead.

He plays with a large pack of boys in the neighborhood, and it’s possible one of them pushed him in. Learning experiences ...


4,075 posted on 02/20/2016 1:14:29 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: moose07

I’ve heard of the Traitor’s Gate, but never saw pics before. Don’t know if I want to...


4,076 posted on 02/20/2016 1:16:19 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Peacock.


4,077 posted on 02/20/2016 1:17:10 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Monkey Face

Often the only sight you get of them is an iridescent blue and orange flash , followed by an Exocet hit on either the river/lake bank as it goes into its hole or an unfortunate fish.


4,078 posted on 02/20/2016 1:25:42 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

;)


4,079 posted on 02/20/2016 1:30:29 PM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: Monkey Face; Darksheare

The Gateway still fills with water on the high tide.
But boat access has been blocked by the Circle and District underground lines.
Millions of tourists pass by it each year, myself included, and none have been lost yet. So it should be considered as safe....unless you smell coffee as you approach.


4,080 posted on 02/20/2016 1:31:37 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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