Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Arrrr. Ye can have Long John’s when ye pry it from me cold, dead hands. Arrrrr.
-Long John Silver.
Haha.
Dang, I’m cold. My hands are cold. My legs are cold, and my head is cold.
I need to warm up. C’mon summer!
My hat is old
My teeth are gold
I have a bird I like to hold
My shoe is off
My foot is cold
-Dr. Seuss (I think that’s from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish)
Good morning. 60s and raining here. We’ve been to the gym.
I missed yesterday’s floof.
And the undead’s mirth and merriment.
:(
Have you been to the ikea by Newark airport? Near exit 13A on the turnpike?
Best walking around ever! Beats mall walking.
Just a pain in the tushie to get there.
Huzzah!
Instead of a ticker tape parade, I’ll put the little guy in a Barbie dream car and give him some tuna pâté.
The only place I’ve been is into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
I’m sleepy. I want to fight it until I go to bed, though. I will see what I can do in the meantime.
Two nights ago, I had just turned my light off and was almost asleep when I heard someone open the gate and check the door to see if it was locked, then they shined (shone?) a flashlight into the bedroom window and around the patio.
We have someone here who calls himself “security,” but I think he’s just a jerk. I went to the office yesterday to get a complaint form and no one was there. I decided to come home and compose one of my own, but I’m out of ink and my handwriting isn’t good for longer than a thank you card.
The jerk startled me so badly that I couldn’t go back to sleep for nearly an hour. Now I understand what the noises have been in the past few weeks, all having to do with checking to see if my security door is locked. I want that jerk to stay away from my apartment.
I may be a ol’ lady, but I know how to lock my doors!
It’s raining here. I’m sleepy
Kitty has the right idea. Good day for napping.
30 degrees, “feels like” 28, 48% NE at 5
The sun is shining, but I’m not too sure it’s giving off anything but light. It’s trying hard to come in the window. :o]
Every night use a bag to gather up dog poop and spread it on the outside of your door knob. In the morning you can wash it off.
Once you've "trained" him to stop turning your doorknob we can discuss placing landmines on the property.
We’ll we’re glad you’re here today!
Dog plotz may not be available, but she could use something sticky like Karo syrup.
I don’t have dog plotz available, as people who have dogs are required to clean up after them. There is the occasional land mine from a lazy dog owner but not often.
Syrup could be used, but we don’t have “knobs.” The doors all have the ADA-approved door levers. That wouldn’t necessarily allow him to get it all over his hands.
One thing is for sure: I will start to “lock” the gate at night. It’s just a simple “j” bolt, but put in properly, it can’t be seen. He might still reach the door handle, but he would make a lot of noise doing it.
ponderizing what you said.
...still ponderizing...
Good man! LOL!
He puzzled and puzzed ‘till his puzzler was sore.
Dr. Seuss - How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Must be a Dr. Seuss day for me.
Never read the Dr Seuss articles, just looked at the pictures, kiddygarden PB
from my last: Never read the Dr Seuss articles, just looked at the pictures, kiddygarden PB
During WWII, Ted Geisler served in Frank Capra’s section, producing the cartoon training series starring Private Snafu, including this one “Private Snafu Booby Traps”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU256cGwMHM
Oddly enough, the setting seems to be North Africa, appropos of our current situation.
Watch and you’ll understand my previous post. PG-13 warning in today’s system, but recall that the audience consisted of horny young GI’s.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.