Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
We had those, too.
An actual tweet from Chicago:
“I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.”
LOL!
LOL!
Morning. I was sick most of the night. I ended up watching “Parks and Recreation” with Tom until after midnight. I got so strung out that I actually laughed a couple of times.
Same thing that fostered your bucket brigade? Rehydrate and restore electrolytes, key potassium depletion will add to after shakes. I learned the hard way.
advice re: offspring assistance during illness. Hot cocoa mix in oatmeal actually pretty good, gummi bears in pancakes not so much. Always ask, “That”s so nice of you, whadizzit? How did you find dat”
feel better....
As for playing marbles, by third grade, none of the boys would play with me, and I had a FINE bunch of their favorite aggies. And cat eyes!
Oh, Nully, that’s funny!!
Squee!!!
I’m so sorry you have picked up what the kids are experimenting with.
What Covenantor says!
I hope you feel better soon!
Cat eyes come in handy, usually a little after third grade.
I wish I still had all those marbles...
You’ve lost your marbles?
I thought you knew? I mean, you DID spend some time with me!
I’ve had a banana and some dry toast.
That sounds like “sick food.” I hope you kept it all down. Poor Fluffy! *hug*
(If I had any bread, I’d have tea and toast right now, but my larder is becoming scarily empty, as it usually does this time of month. I’m glad I’m used to it, but it still isn’t any fun!)
Lablady’s divorce was final yesterday, so her last name is no longer hyphenated, like her first name is. (She doesn’t have a middle name.)
Good.... oh dear, you forgot to ping Argee after mentioning banana.
Argee - Banana!
Balderdash. I just ran out of ink after printing 50 pages of my late husband’s personal history. I want to get it done and printed so I can give it to my son for his birthday.
Rats. Dang. Shucks. Ungh.
Payday can’t come fast enough.
I found a new version of a spelling rule.
I before E except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.
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