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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Done. Now I want to go back to bed. Hahaha!

I’ve got a catch in my neck this morning, and it’s not bad but it’s really a naggy little thing. I hope the morphine kicks in, soon.


2,901 posted on 01/29/2016 5:23:14 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

2,900 to you. We have sunshine.


2,902 posted on 01/29/2016 5:25:29 AM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: Tax-chick

We have “trying to cloud over,” for now. I don’t know what will transpire the rest of the morning, but we’re supposed to have more winter on Sunday.

I’m already tired of it. :o[


2,903 posted on 01/29/2016 6:28:59 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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Rugby Six nations
2,904 posted on 01/29/2016 8:26:38 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Monkey Face

My forecast says 51 and sunny today, 58 and sunny tomorrow. Beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!


2,905 posted on 01/29/2016 8:33:27 AM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: ArGee

Isis will have met their match with Australian wildlife.
Setting a bomb off in an Australian City when the Sun is out will cause no damage what so ever, the Aussies are having a Barbecue at the beach and the Abbos won’t hear the bang for another 50K years.


2,906 posted on 01/29/2016 8:37:05 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick

It’s 50 on the patio with the sun shining directly on the thermometer, but it’s heading behind the clouds again.

And it’s moist. Ungh.

I just went to Rebel to get some more laundry quarters, and they aren’t giving cash back any more. One gal says it’s temporary, but we shall see. Dang. Now I will have to go to Smith’s to get it. ;o|


2,907 posted on 01/29/2016 9:11:40 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: moose07

No one ever accused ISIS of having any brains...

Hiya, Moosie! How are things with you, today? Do you still have our weather?


2,908 posted on 01/29/2016 9:13:43 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

GoodDay Face.

Yes, we still haz your Weatherz. But it should be nice next week.
It was mother’s 70th yesterday, we all went out for a Curry....
I trust your keeping well.

Have just posted on a thread where I know I’m going to regret it....LoL.


2,909 posted on 01/29/2016 9:29:40 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

Well, the Internet thingie says high of 41 and showers (40 and cloudy right now). I guess none of the remaining snow will be around tomorrow.

That’s good for the commute but the blanket city was pretty while it lasted.

Also, I’ll probably have to start moving my car to the alternate side of the street again next week.

I know, I know. There’s no reason to have a car in NYC.


2,910 posted on 01/29/2016 10:28:18 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: moose07

Happy Late Birthday to your mother!!!

Posting on a thread where you know you’re going to regret it seems a little like suicide, doesn’t it? Which proves again that the Undead Thread will never die!! ;o]


2,911 posted on 01/29/2016 11:24:35 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

The weather thingie here says it’s 60 degrees, 27% and winds at 5 mph.

I was out in it for a few, with the Mindless group at the ramada, and I just got too cold to stay there. Maybe it will still be warm enough tomorrow to repeat it. But Sunday will be out...too cold, windy and rainy.

I guess, if one thinks about it, there is no reason to have a car in any city that has good public transportation systems. Except, of course, for the convenience of being able to come and go as one pleases. I mean, if you miss the last bus or train, you’re a hostage until the next one comes along, no matter how many hours you have to wait.

;o]


2,912 posted on 01/29/2016 11:31:59 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

I seem to have a knack for killing the thread.

And I haven’t even told my appendectomy stories.


2,913 posted on 01/29/2016 11:38:18 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face

Well, odd when the last post of mine came in.

Anyhoo- having a car isn’t a guarantee you can come and go as you please unless you also have a parking space. I never take the car unless I’m leaving NYC. It’s good for trips, although I would save a lot of aggrivation by renting when I need the car.


2,914 posted on 01/29/2016 11:40:32 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

Parking is always at a premium here. If I know parking will be a problem I take public transportation or walk. Mostly, I prefer not to be in crowds.

I learned a long time ago that most crowds carry diseases that I don’t want to get! I told Busdaddy several years ago at the beginning of flu season that I don’t take the flu shots; he sees more people in one day that I normally see in a year.


2,915 posted on 01/29/2016 12:07:26 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

The Dell was somewhere in New Mexico, last night, so I will check in the morning to see if it is any closer to New Dellhi. *grrrr*


2,916 posted on 01/29/2016 12:09:02 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

Afternoon. I wish I could nap in the sunbeam. Jake has the life!


2,917 posted on 01/29/2016 12:57:24 PM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: Monkey Face
It must be on one of their new green shipping vehicles.


2,918 posted on 01/29/2016 1:16:30 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Tax-chick

Times like those are when I’m glad I have no one at home...I can nap in sunbeans or in daybeans or in moonbeans. I don’t have to answer to any call but my own. :o])


2,919 posted on 01/29/2016 1:20:36 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

Probably a team of four, rather than six. But I’m anxious to see what they send me in return... Besides another hard time.

If they don’t replace the PC, I will never buy another Dell product, and tell all my friends not to do business with them. I hope I made that clear to them in my several missives...


2,920 posted on 01/29/2016 1:26:30 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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