Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Written by children who are tired of being blamed by their mothers for how scatterbrained they are.
My payday is supposed to be Wednesday, but if I’m lucky it will be Monday. I hope so. I’m going to make my grocery list a little later today.
This thing just shut down on me, but nothing was lost. Scary.
I got like that when CFIDS first hit. I was trying to run a business, but had to give it up as a bad job. Then CFIDS went into remission and I was OK for a couple of years, and then the stresses of working for RTC set it off again, and I had to quit.
That was sad. I can still remember walking to the bus stop in the morning and telling myself, “One foot in front of the other. Just put one foot in front of the other.” I was so exhausted, it was really difficult to even function...
Well, there's the problem.
You're doing it backwards.
Australian police foil ISIS plot involving suicide-bombing kangaroos...
Only a LITTLE more intelligent than the average jihadi.
What, they got tired of doing camels and sheep?
The Australian police got suspicious when they saw the kangaroos in Burqas.
Who's got more?
Bwahahaha!!!
A couple more.
Australian police were fooled at first because the kangaroos smell better than the typical jihadi.
How many kangaroo virgins do they have in paradise?
A fatwah has been issued against using kangaroo pouches to hide the explosives because that’s where the kangaroo “female parts” are.
Dude. You’re on a roll, today, for sure! LOL!
Tough room.
I feel like I should answer with, “Thanks, Mom!”
LOL!
*loud clapping from the peanut gallery*
Yep, it’s always hard to play in Vegas!
And I’m off to bed. My eyes are still irritated, so if I get up early enough tomorrow, I will go to Walmart and get some artificial tears. In the meantime, I’m off to bed...
Darling! Is Gefn OK?
It’s been quite a while since we’ve heard from Gefn. I hope she’s okay!
I can send her a text, when it’s a civilized hour.
How are you?
Floofy!!
Yes.
Almost 12 hours of sleep. And I’m still tired.
LV has had 10 fatal car accidents in less than a month. No wonder I don’t want to drive!
My eyes are still irritated this morning, not as bad as yesterday, but still ugly.
oh, ungh. I need to go sort my pills...
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