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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Ours do, too. Evenings they’re often picking up the baskets on every street corner.

New Yorkers thorw a lot of trash in those.

And a lot still winds up on the sidewalks and streets.


2,841 posted on 01/27/2016 7:25:01 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

I’m a little anxious for FedEx to pick up the Dell, as I would like to see what they have decided to do. I doubt they will refund my money (haha) but maybe they will give me a new PC, and I can start all over again.

Pest control is supposed to come today, but I don’t know if they will or not. I will have to watch for the truck and see when is shows up in this parking lot.

Exciting things we seniors have to look forward to! LOL!


2,842 posted on 01/27/2016 8:37:42 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

No Good Humor man?

What is the world coming to?


2,843 posted on 01/27/2016 9:29:35 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

No, they don’t come in here ‘cuz there’s no kids. They just don’t recognize these ol’ folks as the kids they really are, so they are losing a lot of money. ;o]

A lot of them would LOVE to see a Good Humor Man in here, no matter what name is on the truck!


2,844 posted on 01/27/2016 9:37:48 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

And pest control came within 15 minutes of my last post! LOL!


2,845 posted on 01/27/2016 9:38:40 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

Especially if he can do a Jonathan Winters impression.

So I ventured into the Wilds of FR again.

Does NOBODY on this site know how to make a reasoned argument anymore?

X is just a tool.

Exactly what I’d expect from a tool like you.

Yeah, well you’re just a tool.

I don’t think I’d come here anymore if it weren’t for U.T.


2,846 posted on 01/27/2016 9:54:08 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face

He was in “White Nights” with Gregory Hines, the tap dancer, and Isabella Rossellini in her first major movie role.


2,847 posted on 01/27/2016 10:08:16 AM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: ArGee

A lot of people feel that way, and some of them have left for good, with just a few sporadic visits to the UT.

And if I could, I would rescue all of them, but they are not willing to stay away from heated arguments.

I venture into the Wilds for FR periodically, but when it starts getting ugly, I head back to The Flying Castle.


2,848 posted on 01/27/2016 10:55:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

I remember that movie. Gregory Hines died not too long after that.

That was a depressing movie. But I loved the dancing!


2,849 posted on 01/27/2016 11:03:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

I never saw “Whie Knights.” I saw “Dancers” which gave a good overview of the ballet Giselle and featured Leslie Browne and introduced Julie Kent.

My youngest appeared with Julie once and Leslie Browne gave her lessons for a while.


2,850 posted on 01/27/2016 11:13:49 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

FedEx came just after I posted 2842! Yay! I will track it and see when it gets to New Dellhi, TX, and then I will wait for the email about the disposition of my request.

With luck, they will give me a new one. I doubt very much they will refund my money.


2,851 posted on 01/27/2016 11:46:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, gloriosky! I just poured myself an Adult Beverage! :o]

What a day!

Tomorrow, I go to the pain clinic for a “new body part” assessment for my lower spine. It’s going to mean a lot more tests. *sigh*

At this rate, the neck surgery will be put off until Labor Day. What have I gotten me into this time?


2,852 posted on 01/27/2016 11:50:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face

Drink it in good health! Bummer about more tests.


2,853 posted on 01/27/2016 12:33:26 PM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: Monkey Face

FReepmail.


2,854 posted on 01/27/2016 12:47:58 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face
Just don't let this guy choose the replacement parts.


2,855 posted on 01/27/2016 12:49:46 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

Got it. Replied.


2,856 posted on 01/27/2016 1:02:59 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: ArGee

No, he’ll use the ones from Abby Normal. No thanks!


2,857 posted on 01/27/2016 1:03:40 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, the lower spine has been my nemesis since I was 14, and I think it’s time I got busy trying to find some relief. Push comes to shove, I would prefer to have the lower spine operated on first.

With the help of the Gabapentin, I’m beginning to get feeling on the soles of my feet again, and that is wonderful, as I love grass, carpets, tiles, and warm sidewalks!

I just have to decide which one will provide the most relief in the most areas.


2,858 posted on 01/27/2016 1:08:45 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face
I just have to decide which one will provide the most relief in the most areas.

Good plan. And how nice that you can feel your feet again!

2,859 posted on 01/27/2016 1:10:52 PM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

I could feel my feet if I could still touch ‘em. It’s not really something I’m into, though.

If God had meant for us to touch our toes he’d have put them on our knees.

Oh, you meant with their own nerve endings?

Nevermind.


2,860 posted on 01/27/2016 1:27:42 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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