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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07; Covenantor

Myfanwy can come right after Lakeisha.


2,561 posted on 01/22/2016 4:29:37 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick

There are several countries all operating weather services in the same small area using different random names.
The St Jude’s day storm snuck in beside another storm, the local media assumed that they where the same system. They weren’t.
So we imposed a naming system to stop confusion.
Storms from the US are all labelled EX-, the local stuff just has a name.


2,562 posted on 01/22/2016 4:32:44 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

I don’t think they’ve stopped confusion.


2,563 posted on 01/22/2016 4:34:41 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Eak !
LoL,


2,564 posted on 01/22/2016 4:38:17 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Tax-chick

They will soon stop it if it doesn’t work...
Time will tell.
:)


2,565 posted on 01/22/2016 4:41:26 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

There was a fuss a couple of hurricane seasons ago about the need for tropical storms to have distinctly African-American names. It was amusing.


2,566 posted on 01/22/2016 4:42:02 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: moose07

How did people manage when they had weather but no constant weather-news?


2,567 posted on 01/22/2016 4:42:42 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, Detroit does look like it has been hit by a Hurricane....if the Cap fits, wear it. :)


2,568 posted on 01/22/2016 4:45:31 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Tax-chick

Now this is just a guess...
They looked out of the Window. What a concept!


2,569 posted on 01/22/2016 4:47:46 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Detroit looks more like it was hit by a massive B-29 air raid.


2,570 posted on 01/22/2016 4:47:56 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

LoL !
That was a Six, clear over the boundary rope.

Back shortly,
B 29...snigger...


2,571 posted on 01/22/2016 4:51:31 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Makes sense


2,572 posted on 01/22/2016 4:53:41 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

I just got an email from my vet’s office saying they’ve closed due to weather. We didn’t have an appointment, and the cats are safely in bed for the duration (of winter), so it doesn’t affect us personally.


2,573 posted on 01/22/2016 4:56:35 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07
There was a fuss a couple of hurricane seasons ago about the need for tropical storms to have distinctly African-American names. It was amusing.

I recall that well. Sent an e-mail endorsing the idea, provided that Bokassa, Idi Amin, Mugabe, and Tutu be the first of the PC hurricane names. The station did not read my reply over the air....wonder why?

2,574 posted on 01/22/2016 4:58:14 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LOL!

If the long-predicted, global-warming-induced proliferation of Atlantic hurricanes ever takes place, we may yet see Hurricane Quantavious on our shores.


2,575 posted on 01/22/2016 5:00:00 AM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Dog is looking forward to deep snow...
Local weather now cutting back on accumulation prediction 18-24 instead of 24-30.

I’ve learned to adjust the forecast for my immediate neighbor hood ever since the 1.5 inch predication became 16”.

Wash-Baltimore chief weather stations are at the airports, which govern the news. Have some more local monitors that are a bit more accurate.

Health precludes my volunteering to ferry local hospital workers in my 4x truck this year.


2,576 posted on 01/22/2016 5:12:07 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07

Quantavious may want to change the spelling to Kwantavious to jump the line in case of a short storm season.

In the spirit of a Black Friday Walmart sale...tradition you know.


2,577 posted on 01/22/2016 5:17:00 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

*groan*


2,578 posted on 01/22/2016 5:29:57 AM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz; NicknamedBob; ThomasThomas; All

All y’all have been mighty busy this morning, for it being a Friday.

Oh, yes...the Storm of the Century...Kwantavious or some such.

We’re expecting a mini-storm of our own this weekend with snow on Mt. Charleston and rain in the valley. I never know which one includes us because we’re at such an elevation that we have a wonderful view of both the valley, AND Mt Charleston. We often get massive storms named, “SURPRISE!”


2,579 posted on 01/22/2016 5:43:30 AM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face; al baby
I just made an appointment for cardiology for a "nuclear stress test" and they promised I wouldn't glow in the dark afterwards.

Pinging al baby!

2,580 posted on 01/22/2016 5:54:01 AM PST by null and void (This war starts in the spiritual realm-it will end in ours though.)
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