ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[moose07]

.....what had you done to it to p it off to that extent, hmmmmm?

[Covenantor]

The cat instigated it all.

[moose07]

Have often suspected the passive nature was just a cloaking charade.

[Covenantor]

Oh yes...recall the photo Tax chick posted yesterday... three or four of them fully exposed in all their debiltry after the cloaking device failure. A sight to chill the heart.

[Darksheare]

Ignored it.

[moose07]

Next time they will fit a backup cloaking generator.
They must have been teenage Katz on a first mission.....such a basic error.

[moose07]

Oh I see.
Narcissistic laundry equipment.....
That could get really nasty, really quickly.

[moose07]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3385816/posts

Action stations!

[moose07]

That reminds me, must fill up with Diesel in the morning.

[Covenantor]

Thanks for the heads-up. Been tracking it since morning, picking up power. Will be first snow of season down here.

[Tax-chick]

I’m near Charlotte, there at the bottom in the clear area.

[Tax-chick]

They aren’t nearly as cute without the fur.

[moose07]

We had half an inch of snow on Sunday, it was gone by lunch time.
It left behind -6c , everything is covered in frost day and night.

[Tax-chick]

Drive/walk carefully!

[moose07]

The Fur field generator is an essential tool for Katz. It has multiple uses.

[moose07]

There is southerly warm front on its way. Warm rain will doubtless be the result.
Better than snow.

[Covenantor]

So right... what fun is a Van der Graaf generator without a clutch of kitties, hairs on end! Yikes Spikes!

wait... that explains dropping the cloaking...devious spoilsports.

[NicknamedBob]

Notice, please, that I am in the perzact center of the coming mayhem.

It’s almost as if someone were wondering what I’d ... been ... up ... to.

[Tax-chick]

Yes, better than snow, unless one is privileged to stay in until it’s gone.

[moose07]

One roll of tinfoil on its way.....

Evening, Bob.