ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Covenantor]

Strategic planning by Galactic Overlords for global domination... all according to plan....

Touch screens were invented by cats for cats, compensation for the lack of opposing thumbs.

[Covenantor]

pizza!

[ArGee]

OK, what’s going on here?

Today 44 - mostly cloudy
Sat 49 - cloudy
Sun 60 - rain/wind
Mon 35 - sunny
Tue 42 - partly cloudy

Can the winter and spring control rooms get it together?

[Monkey Face]

That’s just ugly. Sorry, but the best I can do is banana cream pie. I’m just not that big a fan of bananas.

In fact, if I didn’t need them for my ulcer cocktails, I would buy about two a year and not at the same time.

[ArGee]

You don't have to eat bananas to find them funny.

I don't eat them all that often, although I do like them.

But do you think this pic would be nearly as funny if it were a hotdog?

[Monkey Face]

Today’s forecast here is about the same as yours, there. Though we’ve got about 84% and winds from the southwest at 3. The high will be about 48. Maybe.

Glob Al Warming

[Monkey Face]

Nope. The banana IS funny, which is why the Minions like them!

[Darksheare]

Chief engineer cowcat and apprentice tech Mittens.

[moose07]

That explains the scratch resistant glass.......

[moose07]

Autocowrecker in learn mode.......
All your emails are belong to us!

[Covenantor]

That explains the scratch resistant glass.......

a darn good idea...

[moose07]

No higher honour can be bestowed on a man than having his name emblazoned on the front of an Eddie truck!

[moose07]

A kitten training application! Wow!

[Monkey Face]

How cute!

[Monkey Face]

WOW!!!

[ArGee]

That doesn’t mean he’s today’s target?

[ArGee]

[Monkey Face]

That doesn’t apeel to me at all, ArGee... ;o]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

(GRAB)