Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,021-1,0401,041-1,0601,061-1,080 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Good luck! Frank has gone to look for someone to play with, and I’m going to try to get Kathleen to nap. The trip to see “Star Wars” has picked up Sally’s friend Alyse from up the street (a nice Mormon family); there was a spare ticket because Tom has gone to Florida with someone whose family must really like him.


1,041 posted on 12/26/2015 9:48:33 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1040 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"Tom has gone to Florida with someone whose family must really like him."

Tom, like most teenagers, undoubtedly has the ability to pretend to be a nice person, but he doesn't want to strain himself by doing it all the time while around his family.

Keeping the cork in the bottle can be a challenge during the teen-age years. Sometimes it helps if a fellow can find an outlet that lets him channel his aggression in a socially positive direction.

This is the reason that I have been saying for a very long time, that "The purpose of women is to civilize men. The purpose of men is to preserve civilization."

It's in the middle of my about page. It has been there from day one.

1,042 posted on 12/26/2015 10:39:31 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1041 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I don’t know how successful this is going to be.I have been on the phone with Dell in India for an hour and 20 minutes and I’m hoping that when I turn my computer on I will be able to reach the Internet.


1,043 posted on 12/26/2015 11:21:42 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1041 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Blarg.


1,044 posted on 12/26/2015 1:15:25 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1043 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

for sure put me on.


1,045 posted on 12/26/2015 1:16:42 PM PST by rodguy911 (Sarah Palin our secret weapon --Home of the free because of the brave.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 915 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Yeah I guess, but we are all globally warmed over down here.....too much heat too long


1,046 posted on 12/26/2015 1:17:50 PM PST by rodguy911 (Sarah Palin our secret weapon --Home of the free because of the brave.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 916 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"Blarg."

Indeed. For who can argue with that?

1,047 posted on 12/26/2015 1:18:29 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1044 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

too many tiki bars...


1,048 posted on 12/26/2015 1:18:36 PM PST by rodguy911 (Sarah Palin our secret weapon --Home of the free because of the brave.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 940 | View Replies]

To: rodguy911
How can that be bad? Unless they're expensive tiki bars, which they must be ...
1,049 posted on 12/26/2015 1:31:23 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1048 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob

Tom is very good at channeling. “Good Tom” could charm you out of a year’s tax revenue. “Bad Tom” should be airdropped on Syria.


1,050 posted on 12/26/2015 1:32:27 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1042 | View Replies]

To: rodguy911; Tax-chick; Darksheare; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

I will be most happy to add you,Rod! Welcome!


1,051 posted on 12/26/2015 1:44:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1045 | View Replies]

To: rodguy911

Would you like the Morning Kitteh picture, too?


1,052 posted on 12/26/2015 1:45:33 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1046 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

well the good news is I can sort of semi quasi access the Internet.the bad news is I can only semi quasi. iaccess the Interwebs. and using my phone is frustrating to the nth degree. GAH


1,053 posted on 12/26/2015 1:50:13 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1050 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
Tom is very good at channeling. "Good Tom" could charm you out of a year's tax revenue. "Bad Tom" should be airdropped on Syria.

Thus, he is learning the Kung-Fu of consciousness.

All of the evil, and bad karma that is directed toward you has to be gracefully deflected, as a matador does the charge of the enraged bull, but then its energy must be captured and coalesced into gems of power, to be used when force is needed to defend the innocent.

It's all in the Handbook. I sure wish I had a copy.

1,054 posted on 12/26/2015 1:55:42 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1050 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob
It's all in the Handbook. I sure wish I had a copy.

I wish I knew what game we were playing. Civilization V?

1,055 posted on 12/26/2015 1:59:03 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1054 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

The game we are playing may have been designed by Chris Van Allsburg, (who created Zathura and Jumanji).

Hint: It’s not a good idea to begin playing the game until you are familiar with the rules.

Remember the waiting room in Heaven before the long slide down here? The reading material there was not just for decoration or atmosphere.


1,056 posted on 12/26/2015 2:38:35 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1055 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob

I always take a nap in waiting rooms.


1,057 posted on 12/26/2015 2:48:06 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1056 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
"I always take a nap in waiting rooms."

But when you take naps in wading rooms, you end up wrinkly.

1,058 posted on 12/26/2015 5:57:36 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1057 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Note that the poor cat without a box appears to have a heating pad as well as a carpet square.

1,059 posted on 12/27/2015 2:18:25 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1057 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

1,060 posted on 12/27/2015 2:19:18 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1059 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,021-1,0401,041-1,0601,061-1,080 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson