Pope solemnly defines evolution as article of the faith (Note: this is satire)

Self | 10/29/'14 | Zionist Conspirator

[Zionist Conspirator]

For only the second time in history since it was formally defined, Pope Francis has invoked papal infallibility in order to restate the Catholic Church's two most ancient, unchanging, and distinctive doctrines: evolution and a non-literal interpretation of Genesis (which was totally written by stone age savages, by the way).

Invoking the apparations of Our Lady Queen of Higher Criticism, the Pope stated:

While the ordinary magisterium from the very day of the Church's founding 1,981 years ago this past April has been most clear and constant, nevertheless we are most grieved at the dissemination of the "Errors of Alabama," of which Our Lady so warned the little particle physicist children when she opened before them a vision of Hell and told them "this is Hell, where all the poor creationists go."

Noting that for eighteen hundred years a primitive, unauthoritative Bible and a belief in purely natural forces has been the unbroken teaching of all Christendom, Francis pointed out the strange coincidence of the rise of the utterly novel and heretical belief in Biblical literalism at the exact moment that Charles Darwin had published his book describing what everyone had always known and believed all along. "Why did these evil people," he asked, "pick this exact moment to deny what has been always, by everyone, everywhere? One can only see the work of the Devil in it, and he doesn't really exist either."

The Pope's restatement of traditional Catholic dogma in the extraordinary form of an infallible decree has won for him the admiration of many conservative Catholics who up until now had been his staunchest critics. This is not universal, however. Some ultra-Right Catholics insist that so long as the Pope refuses to identify explicitly the Judaeo-Masonic Conspiracy as the prime mover in the introduction of this and other novelties. "Until he does this," says traditionalist priest Father Patrick Antonio Pierre Duc Aloysius O'Rabinowicz, "those of us who truly believe in the apocalyptic message of Our Lady of Higher Criticism will continue to regard his words and actions with the greatest skepticism."

Pope Francis' truly historic declaration was timed to fall on the traditional feast day on which large numbers of profound intellectuals come to Rome to wrap snakes around a statue--which is totally not to be confused with what those inbred morons in West Virginia do, btw.

[Zionist Conspirator]

I used to correspond with Sungenis. I assure you he is every bit as anti-evolution as he is anti-Copernican.

Unfortunately, he's become a Jew-hating lunatic in recent years so I'm no longer a fan.