Posted on 06/27/2014 2:36:24 PM PDT by nickcarraway
ear Demetria:
I am the mother of two. I have an amazing husband and father to my children. The last child is not his, and he is unaware. His best friend and I had a one-night stand two years ago when my hubby was out of town. I can’t bring myself to come clean.
I just started going to therapy about this. The guilt is making me miserable. I feel honesty would break our whole family apart. I'm afraid to find out what my husband may do. —Anonymous
My grandmother had a saying about truth: “What’s done in the dark will always come to the light.” You’ve been carrying some huge secrets, and despite trying to ignore and avoid them, they’ve come to the forefront of your mind nearly three years later with a crippling vengeance that’s making you miserable.
I’m glad you’re in therapy. That’s a good starting point. If you have a good therapist, she or he will help you find the courage to “come clean,” as you put it, and tell your husband the truth about your affair and the child that resulted from it. It’s not the easy thing to do, but it is the right course of action here for everyone involved, including you.
Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later.
(Excerpt) Read more at theroot.com ...
I'm presuming here that you're a man.
Knowing what I know about women from associating with them so much, I'd say it's safe to say that women don't cheat just for the sex (unless they're getting little or none in their marriage). I just read this article recently and I'd say he's got a pretty good handle on it.
I Went Undercover on Ashley Madison to Find Out Why Women Cheat.
http://www.dailydot.com/opinion/ashley-madison-why-women-cheat/
That said, there's no justification for breaking your marriage vows. No woman should ever think they're above being tempted in that area and that it wouldn't or couldn't happen to them.
I'm going to presume here that she was not at home as she already had a child. Could be that she put the kid to bed and then did the deed, but I'm guessing not. If I had to guess, I'd say she put herself in a compromising situation.
She made her decision. She should not have been alone with her husband's best friend when he wasn't around.
This is the price you pay for that kind of behavior. Marriages can heal from that kind of betrayal, but I honestly don't know what my reaction would be if I found out mr. mm had ever cheated on me.
What about the children? They are the innocent victims.
It has nothing to do with this conservative website..so go ahead and play your games, black rapper? Or just annoying.
If I want crap like this I can go to Dear Abby.I guess your intellect can’t bring up important issues, so you put this on.This would give you a great reputation on the Lib Logs. ha.
Is the biological father Webb Hubbell?
What about them?
What is your specific objection to what I said?
We have two adopted children. We are white, they are Chinese,
You have no idea how many people asked if we were going to tell them that they are adopted....
lolz
you are correct ...
“Imho, confessing to her husband would be a selfish act. This is her problem, and her penance is not making it her husband’s.”
I agree. She needs to take it to the grave.
What I meant was that, once this skank tells her husband the truth, he may well decide to end the marriage, and that leaves the children with a broken home and broken hearts.
As others have pointed out here, it sounds like her only reason for wanting to tell her husband the truth is that the guilt is making her miserable.
Well, that is a possibility, of course.
I have seen it happen in my family.
However, it is my view that the best interests of the child is justice between the parents. As of now, the husband is being denied his right to make an informed decision.
He may well choose to leave. I read a couple of years ago, or so, about a man in his late eighties who found out his wife had had an affair in WW2, and left her despite her wails for forgiveness.
Adultery is strong stuff, with bad consequences. But whatever they are, they fall on her head. A marriage without honesty is no marriage at all, IMO, and unless confessed will always stand between them.
I realize that others have different ideas. They are wrong, IMO, but they certainly have the right to have them. And who knows, there’s always a faint possibility that I might be mistaken :)
Still, it’s a moral issue with me. She should confess and seek forgiveness.
No I disagree...you think what you want, but the child should know.
She should confess and let the chips fall where they may. He deserves the truth so he can make an informed decision.
I wouldn’t blame him for leaving. It would be worse if a medical emergency in the future would expose this in a time of crisis.
And in any event, he should know what his ‘best friend’ and he woman he loves are capable of doing.
Me, I’d dump her.
An elderly black woman in Atlanta I met and befriended once told me an old black community saying that dates at least back to her childhood, the turn of the 20th century.
“Mama’s baby, Daddy’s maybe.”
Nothing new under the sun.
I think the child support payments is pain enough, not to mention if he was already in a relationship, he will have to deal with that.
It might not be “new” but it is much much much more common and accepted
I have no issue telling her when she is an adult....a child will simply not understand....
Isn’t it amazing how the choices we make can drive a lifetime of changes? One seemingly small sin can have very negative repercussions for a very long time. It would be better for us if we could avoid sin, but we’re all weak. That’s why we need Christ’s grace.
My concern with modern America is that we’ve turned everything nearly 180 degrees from what is right. Yeah, people sinned in the 50’s, but society in general at least recognized there were things that were “bad” that shouldn’t be done. Now America treats these evils like they’re just as OK if not better than making good choices.
I think this was driven mostly by people who cannot fess up to their sinful lives. They felt guilt, blamed others, or simply refused to admit what they were doing was wrong, so they wanted to make sure to silence anyone that might point out the sin. The problem isn’t that we Christians were being judgmental. The problem is wrong is wrong, and no matter how hard we try to silence that small voice in our heads that says we’re being selfish and/or evil, it still speaks to us.
In regards to what this woman should do, I vote for being honest, and I think it only gets worse the longer she tries to hide her sin. For one thing, her husband deserves to be able to make an informed choice for himself. It would be immoral to lie to him and the child. That would add more sin on top of the original sin. I say it would be better to stand for the truth, even if that might cause much heartache.
If the husband is a Christian, his reaction will likely be appropriate to the wife’s degree of repentance. I know many marriages that have survived infidelity, but the wife had better make absolutely sure she does whatever is necessary to help her husband work through the resulting lack of trust and hurt. In other words, the wife might have to suffer herself to make it right, but she needs to understand this was her fault. She’s liable—not the husband.
I’d also want to get the child’s DNA checked ASAP. The wife sounds sure that the husband isn’t the father. If there’s the slightest chance that he might be the father, she and the child needs to know for sure.
I also agree with the other posters that this could blow up and cause much more extreme damage if it’s ultimately uncovered after more years of deception.
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