IBTP
Topten wewt
Top ten!
the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the trees are whistling for the dogs.
you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
TOP TWENTY! Been a while.....
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said “Who owns the big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do....Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead !”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”
Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger turned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
(...I JUST LOVE THIS PART....)
“Nothing, but you left your injun runnin”.
In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.
The survey was carried out for Democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.
The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters said that they have had sex in the shower.
The remaining 14% said they haven’t been to prison yet.
Checking in! Woohoo!! It’s been a long week.
You know it’s hot out when...Bloomberg was seen drinking a Big Gulp
Did you know that if every single man, woman and child in China - all one billion of them - were to hold hands together around the equator more than half of them would drown?
