Posted on 07/07/2013 1:50:17 PM PDT by metmom
Police were called to a Hillcrest neighborhood early this morning when neighbors reported that a local mom of twins began throwing flaming dirty diapers at a group of people setting off fireworks.
The woman, Ernie Orsborn, became angry over fireworks going off in her neighborhood while her two young children were trying to sleep. Records show repeated calls to 311 reporting the firework violators between 8:30p.m. and 1 a.m.
Around 9:00 Orsborn posted to her twitter account: “I mean, if you like fireworks, go to Pops on the River and let us abstained sip our wine in peace as babies sleep.”
Witnesses tell us that sometime around 1:30 a.m. she decided to take measures into her own hands.
“I heard her yell, you want to see fireworks, here you go assholes,” a neighbor tells us. “Suddenly I see her holding a diaper bin and a lighter. She started pulling them out one by one and lobbing them over the fence at a group of drunk men shooting bottle rockets at each other. I sort of wanted to go help her throw them.”
None of the individuals shooting the fireworks sustained any injuries, although several did have large amounts of child fecal matter on their faces. Police say that the men promptly put away the fireworks and apologized to the angry mother. None of the men are pressing charges according to police.
As of this morning several bottles of wine, fresh fruit, and pastries have been set outside Orsborn’s house. Neighbors additionally tell us the men in question have spent much of the morning quietly washing Orsborn’s car, weeding her flowers beds, and pruning her rose bushes while their wives and girlfriends watch from across the street.
Wow. I did not see that one coming. Maybe there is hope after all.
OK. I thought everything was hopeless. That our country was down the tubes. I guess there is at least one neighborhood where they still repent their sins and make things whole again.
"© 2012 - 2013 Rock City Times. The content on here is presented as fictional news with an intent for humor."
Too bad because it's so believable.
Thanks for posting the article. Whoever the author is (Greg), he writes very well.
I went into the article expecting dark clouds, and instead found joy and clear skies.
I think we should just keep the fact that it’s satire under our hats. I was totally fooled because I didn’t go to the link. I BEE EMBARRAZZED.
Maybe it is hopeless because this is satire, not real life.
Although it SHOULD be real life....
He writes better than many journalists who report real news.
You should read the comments at the bottom of the link.
You’re not the only one.
Talc + “Baby Residue” == Bunpowder
I too would get a little cranky changing the diapers on twins.
Re: the disclaimer—darn!
Those guys were ****faced.
>> looks like it was a satire-type of news...
I couldn’t tell for sure until the part about the sobered-up drunks cleaning her yard, washing her car, etc... that outed it as fiction!
Anyone here ever try to light and fling a dirty diaper, without starter fluid? I must say I haven’t... I have my doubts that they’d burn. On the other hand, they might be effective hand grenades WITHOUT the fire.
Loved the laugh for the day!!
I live in Southern California and we’ve been “celebrating” the 4th for about three weeks now. Some idiots came by in a car and were throwing bottle rockets out the window — I think one was thrown at me and my dog when I was out walking, they were moving too fast for me to get a license or make on the car. I could hear bottle rockets being thrown up the street. Everything here is dry as a bone and there is a huge danger of wildfires (I live in the foothills).
I have been hearing piccolo petes for at least two weeks too — no gunfire, yet — they save that for New Years.
I have a general wish that one of the idiots in charge loses a thumb or finger and that will be the end of their idiotic and dangerous drunk fireworks for a long while.
we;ve had a lot of summers where it’s extremely dry or stuff lands on someone’s roof and can start something on fire.
It is believable, lol.
With a name like that I’d be throwing poop too
funny shit
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