TaxChick - You seem to be able to deal with all sorts of problems. Any suggestions?
Skype.
razor wire, snapping turtles, lots and lots of cats to mess with her allergies.
Been there, Done that, Moved to save the marriage, worked for awhile then...
Seriously, set limits by example, for instance even with my own parents, I always call a day or so ahead of time before visiting. It’s polite, it tells them that you care about their privacy and if there is a scheduling conflict other plans can be made.
Get it and read it. It is very useful.
I’ve seen this exact situation on Dr. Phil. The mother in law would never take responsibility for her actions and blamed everyone else for all the problems that she herself caused. Your friend needs to set a hard line and never back down. I predict no good outcome.
Love her? It is possible it could work out nicely, too.
His MIL?
What does HIS wife say about the situation?
If he alienates one, will he also alienate the other?
Tax Chick is far more wise than me but I will give it my best shot. Okay... here goes. Your friend can’t tell anyone where or when they can move. That being said, I totally agree with some guidelines and limited expectations. Perhaps... this woman has turned over a new leaf and truly wants to get to know her grandkids. It may not be HOW the family totally expects a grandparent to act, but not all grandparents act the same way. I say this with an open heart. My kids don’t have any grandparents so my judgement may be a bit clouded here. They would have loved some contact vs none at all. I would suggest that the parents keep their conversations/fears out of the kid’s ears right now.
It all has to do with power. The parents can limit or extend visitation at any time. They can invite or not. They can also set the stage (so to speak) to open up a possible great relationship between this woman and her grandkids. I have known people who don’t necessarily get along great with a mother-in-law BUT the same woman was adored and worshipped by her grandkids. Again, a Grammy that quilts, bakes cookies and is a sweetheart to EVERYONE is somewhat fiction if you ask me. Good luck to your friends and again... they hold the power by simply saying no or restricting contact. Hugs, Mom
I have the same situation coming up with my mother-in-law. She has alienated herself with all of her family and when she retires she is going to move near us. I told her that if she spends more than 51% of her time at my house I will go and move into hers. She bought a duplex already and I fixed it up so she could rent it. I asked my wife if we could find someone to sign a ten year lease. Hopefully all goes will with your situation.
Mother-in-law moving to town?
Only one possible course of action: blow your brains out.
A friend of mine needs some advice. His mother-in-law
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What about his wife, the daughter of the lady moving? What is her opinion, feelings, etc. You are speaking of the son-in-law as your friend, what about your friendship with his wife. If she doesn’t have any problems with the pending situation then the husband best get acclimated or...
JMO....
I have lived next door to my daughter and her husband since they got married 19 years ago and it has been great. I have watched their two children grow up and I wouldn’t change a thing. My son also lives within a couple of miles and I have watched his children grow up also and helped when he got custody. So I say just enjoy it. I love my son-in-law as much as my own sons.
My MIL was threatening to move to Tucson for a while. One of the places she was looking at was within walking distance of where we live. Luckily my wife finds her mom almost as annoying as I do, so we had a united front that strong boundaries would be set and strictly enforced. She changed her mind eventually, but it’s the united front that would have made the situation survivable.
Do you know the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws?
.
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Outlaws are wanted.
There is ONLY one TRUE solution.
The husband, being the male with no power at all, must tell his wife that he will be happy with whatever decision she makes about her mom moving.
He will smile, say “I love you” and retire to the space allotted to him.
IF mama ain’t happy, then NO BODY is happy...
Ugh. Your friend is about ready to step into my brother’s nightmare.
I wish I had an answer for you. Some people don’t (act like they) want to be loved. They’re down and by golly they’re gonna bring you down with them.
The only thing I’d say is the boundary thing. The first time she says “jump!”.....either your friend can choose to do so or PLEASE jump at his own time.
WHY must some people be so miserable?? (Rhetorical question)
In some ways I like my MIL better than my wife - LoL!
She makes a great meal and conversation.
My daughter takes after her more than anyone else, very organized and energetic.
I told my wife Thank God we have someone who rises well above minimal normal.
My MIL has lived with us for twenty years. I get along with her better than everyone except the dog. She never stuck her nose in our business and only voiced a political opinion once—confirming her hate for Obama.
I am the luckiest son in law in the world.
yeah, i need some advice too.
i am trying to engage at e-harmony.com
but apparently i have accessed that website before and now it won’t let me.
any suggestions?
kg/nancy