Posted on 05/01/2013 12:31:35 PM PDT by econjack
A guy is out walking in a field and spots a large hole in the ground. He walks over to it and peers over the edge. He can't see the bottom, so he looks around and spots a pebble. He tosses the pebble in the hole, cocks his head, and listens.
Nothing.
He looks around again, sees a large boulder, hefts it up and waddles over to the edge of the hole and heaves it it and cocks his head.
Nothing.
He looks around once more and spots a large railroad tie. With considerable effort, he drags it to the edge, stands it on end, and shoves it over the edge and cocks his head.
Nothing.
However, as he is listening, his peripheral vision notices motion on top of the hill and he looks up to see a goat running as fast as any four-legged animal he has ever seen. Suddenly, it hangs a hard right turn and comes racing down the hill at break-neck speed, barely giving the guy enough time to jump out of the way. As he does, the goat dives head-first into the hole. He cocks his head and listens.
Nothing.
Just then, a farmer comes up and asks: "Have you seen a goat around here?"
The guy responds: "He was up on that ridge and was running faster than anything I've ever seen and then he turned sharply to the right, raced down the hill, and dived into that hole over there."
The farmer said: "Impossible."
The guy said: "I'm not lying...full speed down the hill and dived into that hole!"
Farmer repeated: "Impossible. I had him chained to a railroad tie."
A guy has a flat tire outside an insane asylum. As he's changing it, the nuts roll into the sewer. An inmate looking out the window says "Just take one nut off each of the 3 remaining tires and that'll get you to a service station."
The guy says "That's pretty smart! What are you doing in there?"
The guy inside says "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!"
wood eye, wood eye
Focus, Bofus?
The first couple approaches and St. Peter says to the husband "You may not enter due to your love of money" He turns to his wife and says "Let's go Penny."
The second couple approaches and St. Peter says to the husband "You may not enter due to your love of Earthly possessions." He turns to his wife and says "Let's go Porsche."
The third man, upon hearing these exchanges, turns to his wife and says "Let's go Fanny, we don't stand a chance."
Did you hear the library at Texas A&M burned down?
Burned both books. One of ‘em wasn’t even colored in yet.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to climb the giraffe, the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
But they have to be _small_ mice.
Thanks for the ping. TOO funny!!
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