Posted on 04/05/2013 5:16:03 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
NO Speak English
A Russian woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town.
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you Thinking?
Her husband speaks English... hellooo!
I-D-L-E
IRISH LOGIC
An old Irishman was asked, “At your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get Parkinsons or Alzheimer’s?”
The Irishman replied, “Definitely Parkinsons! Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right... ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree,
but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same
as your brother’s...... Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
___________________________________________
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the Century)
___________________________________________________________
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker—Billy Connolly.
“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”
Dogs vs Cats
http://youtu.be/hKNfnQneQVM
Appear
bflr
Apparently, I somehow failed to appropriately apprehend the appearance of at least one other word ...
How could that BE ???
21stCenturion
Rude is in a diagonal.
... at least TWO other words ...
BTW: I won’t count ‘pear’, as an earlier post claimed, since it occurs in natural order within ‘appear’. ‘red’ and ‘now’, OTOH, do NOT appear so within ‘wonder’ — I found ‘em fair and square BEFORE I noted ‘wonder’ and I’m-ah gonna keep ‘em.
21stCenturion
tests
Good one! Wonder where our boas are made....Africa? Hope you’re having a great day!
NAD.
Course I am a nut, so its no surprise I saw that.
Y
O
W
That hurts a little.
We may have to skip the boas in that case, LOL!
Yes, all is well here, thank you.
How’s it going?
Noisulli.
Going okay here, too, thanks. Take ‘er easy, FRiend.
Top 100??? ;)
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