Posted on 03/08/2013 5:11:17 AM PST by Lucky9teen
One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions:
“Join the Navy and see the world.”
You know, three-fourths of the earth is covered with water. And when you've seen one sea, you've seen them all.
But hey, it was a chance to see lots of places overseas, Italy, France, Spain, Turkey, etc.
You pull into port and they put you out in the worst part of town. When isn't the port area of a city NOT the worst part of town? And they tell you not to go there.
You know that in the Mediterranean countries beer is pronounced “beer,” except in Spain where it's cervesa, but they understand the word beer.
Sailors get off the ship in a foreign port......and head straight for McDonald's.
Because of my sea time, I've been able to get drunk in Boston, Portland ME, Ft. Lauderdale (Ft. Liquordale), St. Thomas, Jacksonville FL,
Rota, Benadorm, Malaga, and Palma Spain
Naples, Livorno, Trieste, and Naples Italy (been to Naples a lot)
Toulon, Marsielle, and Cannes France
Rhodes Greece and Antalya Turkey
Haifa Israel and Alexandra Egypt
And Dubai in the UAE.
I once had a hula-hoop with a nail in it.
My mom called it the navel destroyer.
A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first!” says the Petty Officer Second Class. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next!” says the First Class. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the Genie says to the Chief.
The Chief says, “I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.”
A Mustang retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the Mustang’s new bird dog, “Chief”. The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.
The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn’t part with him.
Six months later the same Admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang breaking in a new dog.
“What happened to Chief?” he asked. “Had to shoot him,” the Mustang replied. “Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn’t remember the dog’s name. He kept calling him ‘Master Chief.’ After that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark.”
This man says he can't get hired and is demanding government assistance until someone offers him a fair salary.
Any suggestions?
He could get a job at a tattoo parlor.
Subject: Medicare Part X
Medicare Part X
New Medicare Senior Program
You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.
And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at it.
Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?
Spend a week at the end of a 600 year old slime covered wharf where they parked confiscated ships in Naples. Accidentally got off the train in the middle of "The Gut." The water was so black and full fo refuse our divers had to get a half dozen extra injections from the medic.
Off we go
Into the wild blue yonder
Climbing high
into
the
sun?
I guess I’m on the wrong thread.
Found this is an old email.
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests last year. The hotel ended up submitting the
letters to the Sunday Times.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather.
Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine
chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief Maid
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won’t need those 6 little Camays, which are
on the shelf. They are in the way when shaving, brushing teeth etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my
personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6.00 PM.
That’s the reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet,
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you
doing this to me?
S. Berman
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and to remove the extra soaps.
If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 AM
and 5 PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing.
Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size
Imperial Leather.
I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather.
Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here?
All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.
S. Berman
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays, which had been taken, and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily.
I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she
also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Imperial
Leather.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory, which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
* On the shelf under the medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1 stack of 2.
* On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
* On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
* Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
* In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
* On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
* On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.
May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Imperial Leather,
which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
Well, for what it's worth, the sun has just made its appearance here in this portion of SonofEmperor Cuomo's realmdom... And the 10 cm of snow is already receeding ;-)
(10 cm sounds so much larger than 4 inches...)
I think I’ll stick to jewel heists and armed robbery. They’ll give me a nice, long sentence for stuff like that.
If you want to steal things from people and get paid for your trouble you could always run for Congress.
Now I find out they serve food and beer there!!!!
That explains a lot.
Gun is now at 39 02’ 17” N, 96 45’ 47” W.
Ah......Annie.
Maybe Annie's could get you one? ;-)
I don’t think that website has a gun capable of making the cloud in that photo. The gun in the photo did. Atomic Annie.
You mean an M65 like this one?
Developed by Picatinny Arsenal. Manufactured in Watervliet, NY. Photo taken at the Virginia War Museum.
Of the twenty examples of the M65 produced, at least eight survive on display.
United States Army Ordnance Museum, Aberdeen, Maryland (still has the two large "prime movers" attached)
National Museum of Nuclear Science & History, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Fort Sill Museum, Oklahoma
Freedom Park, Junction City, Kansas, overlooking Fort Riley
Rock Island Arsenal, Memorial Field, Rock Island, Illinois
Virginia War Museum, Newport News, Virginia
Watervliet Arsenal Museum, Watervliet Arsenal, Watervliet, New York, where they were all manufactured.
Yuma Proving Ground, Yuma, Arizona
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