(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

1-11-13 | Lucky9teen

[Lucky9teen]

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A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”

“Not a damn thing...”

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Identify this:

This is a picture of:

1.) A 3-year-old's drawing of mountains

2.) Deep thoughts of a suicidal Slinky

3.) An abstract doodle of boobies

4.) Obama's Treasury Secretary nominee's signature

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"Are you a Leftwing, Conservative or A Redneck"?

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftwing's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

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[moose07]

Thanks Lucky, that leveled the place!

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Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

[Arrowhead1952]

My tax return

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants;

3 million crack heads;

42 million unemployed people on food stamps,

2 million people in over 243 prisons;

Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”

1 useless President.

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

[Arrowhead1952]

I’m sure that all you cattle breeders out there already recognize this substance!

A friend of mine spent $2,500 on a young Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that’s possible with a bull.

Anyhow, he had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave him some pills to feed him once per day.

Dang! The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of his cows!

He even broke through the fence and bred all his neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight.

He’s like a machine! I don’t know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint..............

[Arrowhead1952]

Biology Exam

The truth of the matter

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

[JRios1968]

I don’t know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint....

[ArGee]

Which version of map software does the iGun come with?

I’d hate to shoot the wrong person because I found myself in the wrong place.

[JRios1968]

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

[ArGee]

The officer sat across from the elderly woman in the interrogation room.

“Why,” he asked her, “did you shoot the victim six times?”

“Because,” she answered, “when I pulled the trigger the seventh time, the gun only went ‘click.’”

[Arrowhead1952]

A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.

*

Joey says, “A computer.” The teacher replies, “That would be very useful.”

*

Kimmy says, “A new lawn mower”, and gets a similar response.

*

Little Johnny pops up and says, “At my house we don’t need anything!” The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.

*

Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying, ‘Well, that’s the last *&#^*+$ thing we needed!’”

[LadyBuck]

Really, this place needs a “Like” button.

[ArGee]

[moose07]

LOL,
The perils of bringing a Revolver to a ‘Semi-Auto’ event.

[Arrowhead1952]

[ArGee]

I sure hope none of these software-enabled guns has flood control like some message boards do.

Imagine what a downer that would be when trying to double-tap a zombie.

[JRios1968]

[ArGee]

One of the longest OFST threads on record - almost 1500 posts, included a gripe session about too much cheesecake.

Maybe you'd like to put us on a record setting pace? :-D

[JRios1968]

[Arrowhead1952]

Bad pic linky

[ArGee]

Discretion

Not in the Wizard's handbook.

[Arrowhead1952]

The only reason I posted that was from the Alabama vs ND football game. Someone posted a link to her pictures on the net. It’s the Alabama QB’s mom.