Posted on 07/06/2012 6:11:27 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
If I were there watching I would probably be stoned to death because I would be laughing so hard!
NO effing WAY would I do that! LOL!
A CONDENSED VERSION OF HISTORY
For those that don’t know about history... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement..
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare... Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, or any of the above
who are retired and play golf, and generally anyone who works
productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
A good old Louisiana boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,
“What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”
He says, “I won it and I’m a-gonna keep it.”
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
the wife and asks where his brother is.
She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand. He yells out to him, “What are you doin’?”
His brother replies, “I’m fishin’. What does it look like I’m a doin’?”
His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Louisiana a bad name, makin’ everybody think we’re stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and whip your ass!”
Yep, that's how I would do it too!
The Racist
Picking up illegals to help build a deck
http://youtu.be/n9SnzKZoFNY
LOL, Schlitz was my parents beer of choice.
We had another name for it;)
Just unreal that this is such a serious matter.
Really Hysterical !
I like it!!!
The Silliness Thread is here! The Silliness Thread is here!
Hang on!!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.