It needs more...
Posted on 02/24/2012 4:25:36 AM PST by Lucky9teen
More Rodney.....
You can always tell my car, it’s always on a lift. I’m always watching it go up and down, up and down. I have the only car with more miles on it vertically than horizontally.
[Don’t be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer’s has its advantages.]
I agree, I’ve found that I am still surprised at the endings of re-runs of TV shows.
No joke....
Meanwhile on a German highway
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me.
___
Fascinating shot - owl coming at camera
http://www.dogwork.com/owfo8/
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES
HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME ____________________
GANG NAME _________________
TAG ____________________
HOOD ____________________
1). Little Johnny has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2). Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3). Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4). Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5). Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6). Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7). If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8). Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9). Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10). Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
We have a new local TV station, called Antenna TV. They play old reruns all the time. Like TVLand used to be.
You know what’s hilarious? Dragnet. I LMAO everytime I watch that show.
The Michelle Obama "Oh No You Didn't!" Committee.
If you play a cow bell, you might attract a cow.....
Moooo!
Cause you don't want to catch Mooshell on a bad day!
That’s a heck of a list!
>>Jack Benny
The Jack Benny Program is on AntennaTV every night. Still one of the best shows on television.
Your cartoon reminds me of this classic...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Hot damn!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I’m in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I’m bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. I get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m Sleeping at the bottom of my master’s bed! Life is
great!
__________________________________________
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. In that way I shall be ready to flee at the first opportunity that presents itself. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the occasional piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience,I shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover of darkness.
Many of my efforts to wear down my oppressors are not going
according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I’ll start vomiting in their shoes and/or beds. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘’good little hunter’’ I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow— but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released—and he seems more than willing to return!! He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird has got to be an informant— I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe— for now.
But I can wait.
It is only a matter of time.....
There are three shows that I currently DVR on antenna TV:
Dragnet
Adam 12
and a favorite for an old retired Navy man like me, McHale’s Navy
Hah... I watch all three of those. :) I don’t watch all that much TV, but when I do I tend to bounce back and forth between AntennaTV and METV. If I were to sit around for an evening watching TV, it would go something like this.
The Rifleman
Mary Tyler Moore Show
Dick Van Dyke Show
Bob Newhart Show
Cheers
The Odd Couple
Burns and Allen
The Jack Benny Program
Twilight Zone
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Maybe I’m stuck in the past, but I have a high standard, and there’s very little coming out of Hollyweird today that meets my standards.
Was the FR Department of Redundancy Department notified of these new regulations?
Peter Sellers played the Catskills?
Back in 1973 I was driving 135mph on the Autobahn (just East of Wurzburg) and was passed by a Mercedes that was going at least 20 mph faster than my Porsche. I’ll never forget that.
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