Silly........Random........Stuff.........
Posted on 02/03/2012 5:16:56 AM PST by Lucky9teen
And here is a new product from the Democrats...
Once upon a time, there was a gentle village of people known as Twids who lived at the bottom of a great mountain. Each week the Twids would take their produce to market in a city on the other side of the mountain. Unfortunately, the Twids would take the long way around the mountain rather than taking the pass over the top. This was because there was a giant who lived on the top of the mountain. Whenever any Twids tried to go over the mountain the giant would come out and kick them all back down to their village.
A travelling Rabbi sojourned with the Twids for a time, and finally asked why they took the long way to market? He was told about the giant who kicked the Twids down the mountain. The Rabbi offered to go with the people and speak on their behalf if they would try again. The Rabbi was convinced that if the giant understood the Twids meant no harm, he would allow them to pass over the mountain.
Most of the Twids thought this was silly, but the Rabbi prevailed on a small number to make the attempt with him. As he climbed, he said his prayers and rehearsed what he would say to the giant. Soon the intrepid band reached the edge of the giant’s home, at which point he stormed out of his house and kicked all the Twids back down the mountain. But he did not touch the Rabbi.
When he was finished, the holy man asked, “O, giant, why did you kick all the rest off the mountain, but leave me standing here alone?” The giant answered:
Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Twids.
In before the ping.
PING
Yes, that ping.
In before this one, too.
PING.
On a real roll today, as I beat this one as well.
PING.
In before a whole bunch of pings.
PING. PING. PING. PING. PING. PING.
Hmmm. IBTP doesn’t really feel as silly as I thought it would.
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
‘Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
‘Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.
I’m having a real good time like I am.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
‘That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
‘And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
‘And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?’
One bright little girl replied,
‘Because people are sleeping.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
‘If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
‘ Ryan , you be Jesus !’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
‘Daddy, what happened to him?’ the son asked.
‘He died and went to Heaven,’ the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
‘Did God throw him back down?’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner..
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
‘Would you like to say the blessing?’
‘I wouldn’t know what to say,’ the girl replied.
‘Just say what you hear Mommy say,’ the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
‘Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?’
NOW THIS IS FUNNY - I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it.
The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special
Presidential commission presented the following findings:
1.The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side
TOP 30 !?!?!
Two young boys, ages 7 and 9, decide they should take up swearing. They agree to try it on their mother next morning at breakfast.
The next morning they are at the table. Mom asks the younger one, “What would you like for breakfast?”
“Aw, hell, gimme some Cheerios,” he says.
Mom reaches across the table and slaps him in the mouth. “That is NOT how we talk at the table!” She then turns to the older boy and asks him what he wants for breakfast.
He pauses for a moment, then says, “Well, you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level.
So I described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I
waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy
brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of
poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an
aggressive rattlesnake.”
Inspired by my story, the doctor said,
“You must be some outdoorsman!”
“No,” I replied,
“I’m just a $hitty golfer.”
My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some
of those pills that help get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back
and tossed her some diet pills!
I’m still looking for a place to live.
_____
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf,
One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it ! We’ll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune!
I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
The second guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home
planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
The third guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.
I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning - intercourse or golfcourse’
She said,”Don’t forget your sweater.”
Clearly, we need to confuse you more often.
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