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Alpha Women, Beta Men (breadwinner role reversals)
New York Magazine ^ | Ralph Gardner, Jr.

Posted on 11/29/2011 1:01:34 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

After dropping off their children at their East Side private school one morning, Betsy and another mother shared a secret. “It was one of those things where you circle around each other,” Betsy remembers. “I assumed they had a pretty conventional marriage.”

By that she means, as with most of the other families at the school, the other woman’s husband was a chest-beating breadwinner who set off for Wall Street each morning in his Town Car to bring home the six- or seven-figure bacon. Or, alternatively, both husband and wife slaved away at medium-to-high-powered jobs, neglecting their children, to pay for the August rental in the Hamptons and their $25,000-per-kid tuition bills.

The embarrassing truth the other mother confided to Betsy was that she was her family’s sole support. She worked in advertising while her spouse, an “artist”—predominantly in his own imagination, since he had not a single gallery show nor even a commission to show for his talent—puttered around the house. “She kind of indicated they were living on her money, and I was surprised,” Betsy says.

And perhaps a little relieved. Betsy thought she was the only mother in their grade supporting a stay-at-home husband—especially one who refused to polish the surfaces. “It’s like one of those things,” she says, “where you realize you’re married to people who drink.”

Well into feminism’s second generation, there are finally a significant number of women reaching parity with the men in their fields—not to mention surpassing them—and winning the salary, bonuses, and perks that signify their arrival...

(Excerpt) Read more at nymag.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: breadwinners; husbands; rolereversal; wives
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1 posted on 11/29/2011 1:01:46 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I’m looking for a wealthy “Sugar Momma”.


2 posted on 11/29/2011 1:04:29 PM PST by BipolarBob (Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world and she walks into mine.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Those men are so hosed when their divorces roll around...


3 posted on 11/29/2011 1:05:48 PM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: BipolarBob

Read the whole article. It’s worth it.


4 posted on 11/29/2011 1:05:54 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Occupy DC General Assembly: We are Marxist tools. WE ARE MARXIST TOOLS!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

That’s not really an “alpha” woman, it’s more an issue of a non-productive male, maybe making her look alpha in comparison.


5 posted on 11/29/2011 1:06:36 PM PST by SuzyQue
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

If there were true equality of opportunity, 50% of wives would be earning more than their husbands. I suspect this would upset the women more than the men.


6 posted on 11/29/2011 1:07:10 PM PST by Sherman Logan
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“He never spent money that wasn’t his in an extravagant way,” she says while taking therapeutic sips of a Sea Breeze at Tribeca Grill on a recent evening. “But by not helping, he was freeloading.”

That about sums up why men and women are different. You generally (and I said generally) don't hear men talk like that if the wife stays home.

7 posted on 11/29/2011 1:10:06 PM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: buccaneer81

Yes, but most wives keep house and raise the kids, etc.


8 posted on 11/29/2011 1:14:30 PM PST by SuzyQue
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To: buccaneer81

Even though she might actually be freeloading? :)

I think it depends. If you have kids, somebody needs to care for them, that is reality and, in today’s world, many women can outearn their men, so it doesn’t make much sense for a woman, who is earning a lot of money to necessarily stay home.

If a man is taking care of the house, he’s not freeloading. But if I were the woman, my expectation would probably be along the lines of, if the man was laid off that he is working hard to acquire marketable skills to get back out in the job force at some point. If he’s started a home business that could become something, that should be acceptable as well.


9 posted on 11/29/2011 1:17:37 PM PST by Jonty30 (If a person won't learn under the best of times, than he must learn under the worst of times.)
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To: buccaneer81

I don’t know how these guys spend their days at home, but when I was a stay-at-home mom, my day started at 6 a.m. and didn’t stop until midnight, if then. I was on my feet continually, taking care of children, house, yardwork, cooking, shopping, laundry, errand-running, major home improvements, his business entertaining, you name it. I was the one who wiped up the vomit, changed the diapers, washed the floors, scrubbed the bathrooms, pruned the trees, cleaned the gutters, painted the house, raked the leaves, tilled the garden, taught the kids to read, or took them to the doctor, or took them to lessons; I was the one who went to the PTA meetings or talked to the teachers or helped with homework. My husband worked very hard at his job and we were each glad we did not have to do what the other did. So why some men think their stay-at-home wives are indolent, I can’t imagine. Motherhood is an eighteen-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week job, and there are no vacations, no days off.


10 posted on 11/29/2011 1:20:39 PM PST by ottbmare (off-the-track Thoroughbred mare)
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To: SuzyQue
Yes, but most wives keep house and raise the kids, etc.

I would think that's a given for any father who stays at home.

11 posted on 11/29/2011 1:20:44 PM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: BipolarBob

me too


12 posted on 11/29/2011 1:21:22 PM PST by scottteng (Tax government employees til they quit and find something useful to do)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Most of the icky people interviewed in the article would have bad marriages under any circumstance.


13 posted on 11/29/2011 1:22:06 PM PST by CaptainK (...please make it stop. Shake a can of pennies at it.)
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To: ottbmare
So why some men think their stay-at-home wives are indolent, I can’t imagine. Motherhood is an eighteen-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week job, and there are no vacations, no days off.

I agree. I know a few men at work who marvel at what their stay at home wives do. I would hope the scenario would work in reverse as well.

14 posted on 11/29/2011 1:24:41 PM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The intensity of the sex life reveals whether it’s working or not. I wonder if guys have to trade that in to get an alpha wife?


15 posted on 11/29/2011 1:29:09 PM PST by RushingWater
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To: RushingWater


Put that beer down and turn off that game, get my dinner cooking you no good louse of a husband, you're a kept man, now fix me a turky pot pie ...
16 posted on 11/29/2011 1:31:36 PM PST by Scythian
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To: buccaneer81

Yes, that would be the assumption, but the story seems to indicate otherwise: “...her spouse, an “artist”—puttered around the house. ...Betsy thought she was the only mother in their grade supporting a stay-at-home husband—especially one who refused to polish the surfaces...”


17 posted on 11/29/2011 1:33:33 PM PST by SuzyQue
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To: RushingWater

Im willing to bet that most “alpha” women, are divorced or alone.


18 posted on 11/29/2011 1:33:52 PM PST by hannibaal
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Sigh, another thread where a lot of readers won’t be posting their honest opinions & experiences...


19 posted on 11/29/2011 1:35:39 PM PST by ctdonath2 ($1 meals: http://abuckaplate.blogspot.com/)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Happy my wife has a better paying job than me bump.
No shame or embarrassment here.
20 posted on 11/29/2011 1:36:38 PM PST by ßuddaßudd (7 days - 7 ways a Guero y Guay Lao << >> with a floating, shifting, ever changing)
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