Skip to comments.Why One Should Never Marry An American Jewish Girl (Vanity)
Posted on 08/29/2011 7:18:08 AM PDT by Jewbacca
Last night, my wife, who is normally a lovely American-born Jewish girl, made me go to dinner with her judgmental, annoying, hyper-orthodox, cousin.
They dissapprove of my Israeli sharp toungue, IAF-inspired language, and occasional lapses in what they consider proper bearing and behavior of Jewish people.
Think: the "Church Lady" from SNL, but Jewish.
Anyway, they made my bride nervous. They make me nervous. I showed up in a seperate car because I had to work Sunday.
Well, my wife is on pins and needles, jumpy and worrisome because, well, they're mean to her, dissaprove of me, disapprove of our daughters, and dissaprove of pretty much everything.
Dinner was, suprisingly, OK. I killed a lovely bottle of kosher meritage over a 4 hour period, remained quiet, cussed only occasionaly (and in Yiddish, and when talking about Obama, which was OK). And, as everyone knows, if you can't say something nice about someone, say it in Yiddish.
After dinner, the in-laws's car would not start, which was discovered after I left with the kids and my wife was about to leave, necessitating "jump," which further discombobulated my wife.
(The in-laws car would not start because, well, they are idiots and left everything electronic on in their car and have a 6 year old battery in said car.)
After the jump was performed, I left with the kids.
Mrs. Jewbacca left at more-or-less the same time, and, because the SUV was parked funny to perform the jump, promptly backed into a poll, doing upwards of $2,500 to the rear end of my new Lexus SUV.
I told her "no big deal. Happens." I was not remotely mad at her, even though SHE WRECKED MY CAR.
As I was driving home, Jewbacca, Jr., asked me why Mrs. Jewbacca was acting so funny. I told Jr. (very gently)that said inlaws make Mama a little crazy and nervous.
Well, this was repeated by Jr. to mama later when we got home, probably in response to leading and angry questions, designed to get a response to have something to fight about.
And, suddenly, I am told I am a bad father who belittles my wife, and a complete Israeli putz with no manners.
Again, SHE WRECKED MY NEW CAR. And I was cool about it. And yet somehow, this was all my fault.
I should have married that crazy Lebanese chick with large tracts of land. ;-)
Lebanese chick with large tracts of land
What she had a big A$$
Oy! You think this is bad? Wait till she hears that you complain about her on a public forum!
I hope Mrs. Jewbacca does not read FR! Otherwise, very funny! (Oy, such a wreck from such a shana madel...)
Treat the wife like a cannon with a lit fuse. It’s gonna blow, and when it blows - you always want the cannon pointing in a different direction than the direction you happen to be sitting in.
The cannon can shoot at birds who pooped on your sidewalk, it can shoot at the in-laws, a bad driver, a crack in the sidewalk, or chewing gum that stuck to her shoe in high school.
After a while, you’ll learn to point the cannon in another direction - for some reason, that cannon has a natural tendency to migrate towards you, I suspect it’s body heat.
Well, I don’t have anyone else to complain to.
She’d hear about it, if I told my friends.
(And, yes, she does read my posts, but very rarely, and I have her laptop.)
Sounds like a lovely evening....
Those are nice, big knockers.
Here are some pretty hooters:
“Why in the h311 would you come within a mile of these disgusting vermin? You want your children to be influenced by these scumbags?”
Family. It’s a wonderful thing.
One thing is clear to me...I need to learn how to cuss in Yiddish.
Hysterically funny story.
Couldn’t you find a nice Israeli girl? J/K
Kenya find Barry’s birth certificate?
as everyone knows, if you can’t say something nice about someone, say it in Yiddish. .......................................... I can relate to that, my mom was raised in the tenements of the lower east side and she spoke fluent Yiddish. She wasn’t Jewish, but when she was with her Jewish friends and didn’t want the people around her to hear what she was saying, she became the Yiddisha Shiksta.
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