Posted on 07/20/2011 9:58:33 AM PDT by Jewbacca
I was also emailed a huge list of Goy Jokes, so watch out.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Oh, don’t trouble yourself over it, sweetie. I’ll just sit here in the dark...”
Are you threatening us? :-)
Go for it!
Barack Obama is re-elected president. Prosperity returns. A new golden age for America begins.
Hey, if Jewbacca can post a joke, so can I!
(Except his joke is funny.)
LOL, great post.
I don’ get it. Explain please.
LOL - Very good!
We elected Reagan, a movie actor, and the movie industry began falling apart before our eyes as producers began targeting the twelve year olds.
We elected Bush, an oil man, and had to begin importing more than half our oil.
Then, there was Clinton ~ he never did get a majority vote but he did get all the girls. And finally, they dragged in an African American community organizer just as the housing market crashed to levels not seen since pioneer days, and the African-American unemployment rate soared to 40%!!!!
Some community organization eh?
Now, you want to put in Eric Cantor and what?
A Rabbi and a Priest were in an amazing car wreck — both vehicles rolled, totaled, smashed.
Both men got out of there respective cars completely unscathed — not a scratch on them. “It’s a miracle!” exclaimed the priest.
“It is indeed! HaShem has watched over us!” replied the rabbi. “In fact, the bottle of 20 year old Scotch I was carrying home was not harmed, either. Perhaps you want a celebratory drink?”
“I think so,” said the priest, who uncorked the bottle and took a celbratory swig straight from the bottle. “Here, have some,” said the priest joyfully.
“No thanks,” answered the rabbi. “I’ll wait until after the highway patrol have taken our statements.”
Jewish mothers cannot be explained; they must be experienced.
(Blantanty ripped off from a Robin Williams routine)
Why are there now Jewish faith healers? Well, if you went to the rabbi saying, “Rabbi, my back hurts!” he’d just reply, “your back? Let me tell you about my knee...”
Oh, Cantor was on my mind as the only possible Jewish candidate I would support.
He’s way to wonky and got sucked into the bank bailout, so he’s really off my list.
(Blantanty ripped off from a Robin Williams routine)
Why are there no Jewish faith healers? Well, if you went to the rabbi saying, “Rabbi, my back hurts!” he’d just reply, “your back? Let me tell you about my knee...”
Jeremy warned his son against marrying a `shiksa.`
The son replied, “But she`s converting to Judaism.”
“It doesn`t matter,” Jeremy said, “a shiksa will cause problems.”
After the wedding, Jeremy called the son, who was in business with him, and asked him why he was not at work.
“It`s Shabbos,” the son replied.
Jeremy was surprised and said, “But we always work on Saturday. It`s our busiest day.”
“I won`t work anymore on Saturday,” the son insisted, “because my wife wants us to go to shul on Shabbos.”
“See,” Jeremy said, “I told you marrying a shiksa would cause problems.”
Goy jokes, two punchlines.
A Gentile couple goes to an expensive restaurant to celebrate their 20th Anniversary.
The husband says to the waiter, “I’ll have a steak and a baked potato. My wife will have the Julienne salad with house dressing. We’ll both have coffee.”
The waiter responds, “How would you like your steak and salad prepared?” The man says “I’d like the steak medium. The salad will be fine as is.”
The woman says nothing.
The waiter says: “Thank you.”
Part 2:
The entrees are served. The steak is overcooked.
The waiter returns and asks how everything is. The Gentile wife says nothing.
The Gentile husband is somewhat embarrassed and feels a bit intimidated by the waiter and his surroundings. He tells the waiter everything was wonderful and leaves him a 30% tip.
A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
He asks, “Mom, I haven’t talked with you in a few weeks. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
The elderly Gentile mother responds, “I feel fine. I don’t need anything. Don;t worry abut me. Thanks for calling.”
Q: Why is Lent 40 days, but Yom Kippur 1 day?
A: Even in atonement, goys pay retail.
Subject: FW: ha
Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.
Paddy yells to the people, “I’m Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday. I’m also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”
One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.
Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.
Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him. Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’down the burnt ones...!!!!”
Warning!! If you laugh at this, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Rev. Wright will be coming to kick yo ass!
Jewish Kid Goes to Catholic School
Little Scottie was a real handful. Nobody could control him. After two weeks in the second grade, his parents are called into school and notified that he is too wild and disruptive, and is being expelled.
Realizing that Scottie needs more personal attention, his parents enroll him in a private school. He lasts a week and a half, at which point, the tuition is returned with a request to find him another school.
Perhaps it was spiritual guidance that Scottie needed, so his folks took him to a famous yeshiva where he would receive both a secular and Jewish religious education. He was expelled after two days for putting a pork chop in the Rabbi’s lunchbox.
Thinking that perhaps more discipline was in order, his parents send him to an exclusive military academy. It took four days for him to be court martialed. It was only through a lawyer’s intervention that he wasn’t put before a firing squad.
Oh, Scottie was a bad, bad boy. His parents were at their wits’ end. Finally, their Italian neighbors suggested the local Catholic school. The nuns were tough, they told him. Perhaps they could whip him into shape. At first, his parents balked at the idea of sending their Jewish son to Catholic school, but they what other choices did they have? He’d already been kicked out of every school he’d attended. Finally, desperate, they relent.
One, two, three months go by. Scottie is getting wonderful grades and good reports from his teachers. His parents are thrilled but puzzled.
“Listen, Scottie, darling. We’re thrilled that you’re doing so well in school now, but we’re curious. You got expelled from public school, private school, yeshiva and military school, and yet, you, a Jewish boy, is doing great in Catholic school. We’d just like to know what’s caused this wonderful new attitude.”
“Well,” says Scottie, “When I saw that Jewish kid nailed up to that big cross, I know those nuns didn’t f&*k around!”
A volcano erupts with a colossal explosion. Scientists predict that within three days, the ensuing giant tsunamis will flood the entire earth, and put all land under water.
The Pope appears on television and encourages everyone to accept Jesus Christ so at least their immortal souls will be saved.
The head Muslim imam also goes on TV to recommend that everybody immediately convert to Islam, so they may spend eternity with Allah.
The Dali Lama appears on TV and urges everyone to become Buddhist, so they may reach Nirvana.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel goes on national TV and says, “We have three days to learn how to live under water.”
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