[Our man in washington]

Barack Obama is re-elected president. Prosperity returns. A new golden age for America begins.

Hey, if Jewbacca can post a joke, so can I!

(Except his joke is funny.)

[muawiyah]

There's an existential ying yang to the Presidency. We elected Carter, a peanut farmer, and had the first nationwide peanut crop failure in our history.

We elected Reagan, a movie actor, and the movie industry began falling apart before our eyes as producers began targeting the twelve year olds.

We elected Bush, an oil man, and had to begin importing more than half our oil.

Then, there was Clinton ~ he never did get a majority vote but he did get all the girls. And finally, they dragged in an African American community organizer just as the housing market crashed to levels not seen since pioneer days, and the African-American unemployment rate soared to 40%!!!!

Some community organization eh?

Now, you want to put in Eric Cantor and what?

[Jewbacca]

A volcano erupts with a colossal explosion. Scientists predict that within three days, the ensuing giant tsunamis will flood the entire earth, and put all land under water.

The Pope appears on television and encourages everyone to accept Jesus Christ so at least their immortal souls will be saved.

The head Muslim imam also goes on TV to recommend that everybody immediately convert to Islam, so they may spend eternity with Allah.

The Dali Lama appears on TV and urges everyone to become Buddhist, so they may reach Nirvana.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel goes on national TV and says, “We have three days to learn how to live under water.”