Posted on 05/13/2011 7:02:40 PM PDT by traumer
SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- The plagues of the End Times have shown no signs of relenting since Wednesday. This morning, a new series of Judgment Day horrors swept the world, affecting the United States, China, Spain, and Pakistan. Family Stations’ doom prophet, Harold Camping, called the developments “awesome news!”
He also went on to say, “Judgment Day is feared by the world and is the day that God will destroy the world because of the sins of mankind. There’s no greater expression of the Lord’s undying love than tearing apart billions of men, women, and children through a series of excruciating terrors, drawn out over a five-month period of ongoing torture. As warrior angels descend from the heavens to feast on the entrails of your babies, take comfort in knowing that after their bones have been picked clean, and their screams of anguish have turned to gurgles of blood and despair, a better life awaits them.”
To help mitigate some of the impact, Bennington Vale retailers have today begun selling Rapture Kits across San Narciso County.
Friday’s Wrath of God Friday was particularly eventful in terms of death and destruction, according to Family Stations representatives.
“It’s exciting to see how each day gets progressively worse,” one spokesperson told reporters. “Google couldn’t even get Blogger working for two days. Obviously, God’s beginning to bring down the blasphemous media to clear the airwaves for Harold Camping’s instruction.”
Friday’s recipients of the Lord’s lovingly vengeful affection span four countries.
(Excerpt) Read more at benningtonvalepress.com ...
Included in the kits are the following items:
One nine-millimeter automatic pistol
Two boxes of ammunition
One drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, and seven vials of holy water
One miniature combination Aramaic phrase book and King James Bible, edited by Harold Camping
Nine packs of sugar-free chewing gum
One issue of prophylactics
Three lipsticks
Three pair of nylon stockings
List of key neo-conservative talking points, to please the Lord, provided by Fox News
One “I Heart Unborn Babies” bumper sticker
One foil Rapture helmet
List of major religions, including numerous Christian denominations, to avoid and shun
“Kill a Queer for Christ” t-shirts
One pamphlet of phrases guaranteed to flatter Saint Peter
One instructional brochure entitled “How to Identify the Anti-Christ,” with a photograph of Congressional Democrats on the cover
Can I get that in a family size?
Can I dehydrate or can those items?
bttt
The rapture if not on the 21st will most likely occur within the next 10 years if not sooner. We are already seeing the “birth pangs” period. And the earthquakes and weather are getting worse by the year, it won’t be long now.
So.... how much are the kits?
They would work for the Rapture or ZombieLand.
Yes it will be. We have a long way to go.
The Rapture already occurred. All the good people are gone. We have like a thousand years of this to put up with.
Shee-oot! A felller could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that.
As a child I remember that there was a prediction that the world was going to end on a certain day in March. I was about 10 and quite a firebug and one day I came home from school and thought I’d just burn the dry grass. Well, it got away from me and the whole time I was frantically trying to put it out I was thinking that I started the fire that was going to end the world. Just a little childish narcissism, ya know.
I doubt it, we are NOT in the millenial kingdom that Jesus sets up after the Great Tribulation.
Harold Camping; The prognisticator of Judgement Day on May 21st coming up on Gretta on FOX in a minute, 10:52 P.M. EDT
BTW, Camping has predicted THE END at least once, maybe twice before...........and was obviously mistaken!
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