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Posted on 04/18/2011 11:17:33 AM PDT by WOBBLY BOB
FARGO - Cass County Sheriff Paul Laney says "You can't make this stuff up". Laney and the Coast Guard were called to an area south of Fargo Sunday morning on a report of a man in a makeshift canoe in the Red River. After arriving on scene, they found that the man had crossed into Minnesota. They took a closer look at the man's "canoe" and discovered it was actually a lid from a coffin.
(Excerpt) Read more at kfgo.com ...
Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:
"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"
The man said, "I do not like where I was buried, so I am relocating".
The Policemen ran for their lives.
We have Coast Guard in Fargo??? Ummm hmmmm.
Laney asked the man if he was all right. The guy said just stiff.
We were poised to be hit with record flooding all over the state. Then winter came back froze spring right in its tracks.
Minnesota is kind of a foreign country. Al Franken could easily pass as an alien.
LOL!
Given the violence on the US southern border, this guy could market this idea several different ways to Mexican buyers.
I see your decent joke, and raise you a groaner.
... A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP... BUMP... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ...BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...faster... faster... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. He runs up to his door,fumbles with his keys, opens the door,rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on the heals of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin... .. and of course....
... the coffin stopped!
It’s not the cough that carries you off.
It’t the coffin they carry you off in.
If the guy was a midget would that have made him just a “little stiff”.
“Laney says the man was given a stern warning and allowed to leave.
He could have been arrested because the river has been declared off-limits to watercraft due to flooding.”
He was lucky, they could’ve given him a stiff sentence.
It was not the Red River, it was the River Styx.
The ones who could swim made it to Texas!!!
He isn’t?!!
Then, sometime in the 1930's, it was felt that government projects were needed to tame the local rivers and control flooding, the flooding of which has actually worse since. North Dakota acquired a few acres on the Minnesota side when the river was straightened. It took an act of congress to ratify the new state boundaries.
Still, it isn't a bad river to canoe on, if you pick a time other than flood season. The Sheyenne, one of the Red's tributaries, is actually a superb river for canoeing until you get to Kindred, N.D., where the prevailing soil turns entirely from the light sandy color of central North Dakota to the black Red River Valley gumbo.
You can even safely canoe over the dams at Fargo if the river isn't too high because the current is normally gentle. There is a short portage when the water is too low.
One celebrated case which happened when I lived there is a guy who staged his own drowning. They could never find a body, so declared him dead two years later. When he was found working in a small Minnesota town not far from the river a year or so after that, he was in a heap of trouble. If he'd had the sense to move far away, he would have probably gotten away with it.
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