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THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD

Posted on 10/29/2010 6:01:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

What's scarier than being a Democrat this Election Day?




A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.


10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...

1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!



TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT


10. I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9.  I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8.  Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7.  I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6.  I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5.  I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4.  I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3.  I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as it sees fit.

2.  I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some radicals who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1.  My head is so firmly planted up my butt that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

I'll keep my Freedom, my God and my Guns... You keep the Change...

Get out and vote November 2nd, 2010!


The Demo-gogues

A call for conservatives to vote: "My name may not be on the ballot, but our agenda for moving forward is on the ballot, and I need everybody to turn out." --Barack Obama

Blame game: "[The recession] started long before I took office. ... [Republicans] figure you're going to forget, because you're angry. This election isn't about anger, it isn't about fear. This election is about a choice, and the stakes couldn't be higher." --Barack Obama

The great divider: "If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, 'We're gonna punish our enemies and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,' if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2." --Barack Obama explaining on Univision why he hasn't passed immigration reform

"It's not enough to just play politics. You can't focus on the next election. You've got to focus on the next generation." --BO (By making them slaves to debt?)

Poor thing: "[W]e haven't really gotten the credit for what we have done." --House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), who doesn't realize that's exactly why Democrats are losing

Can you dig it? "We found ourselves in a hole that I didn't dig, but I have dug, dug and dug to try to get out of that hole." --Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), who forgot that when you find yourself in a hole (that Democrats did dig), stop digging

Another Biden gaffe: "I was amazed at the amount of money [for campaigns] -- this $200 billion of money that is -- where there's no accountability. When I say accountability, we don't know where it's coming from. There's no disclosure, so the folks watching the ad can't make a judgment based upon motive when you say it's paid for by so-and-so. ... I've never seen this before, so the only caveat I'd put in terms of the House is how much impact this $200 billion are going [sic] to mean." --Vice President Joe Biden, who clearly meant to say "million," not "billion"

What a guy: "I've got to go home to tuck in the girls and walk the dog and scoop the poop." --BO explaining why he could not stay for a $7,500-a-plate fundraising dinner in Rhode Island

Rosa Parks he isn't: "We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but they gotta sit in back." --Barack Obama on "bipartisanship"

Editor's Note: After repeatedly quoting the Declaration of Independence without referencing "endowed by their Creator," Barack Obama finally discovered the Creator this weekend, correctly quoting the Declaration in four different speeches. See for yourself and let us know what you think.

Village Idiots

You don't say: "There's too much at stake to turn back now." --Michelle Obama, offering yet another reason to vote Tuesday

Taking all the credit: "I almost gag when I hear these Republicans lambasting the president and the Democrats in Congress, 'Oh, they're such big spenders, they're just crazy, they're quasi-socialist.' I have a simple question: Who's the last president to give you a balanced budget? ... [F]rankly there are a few things about this election that have gotten me somewhere between disturbed and ticked off." --Bill Clinton

Gratuitous Hitler Reference: "You never get into a political discussion unless you bring the word Hitler in. ... He wasn't a majority guy, but he was charismatic and they were having bad economic times -- just like we are now -- people were out of work, they needed jobs and a guy came along and rallied the troops. My fear is that the Tea Party gets a charismatic leader, because all they're selling is fear and anger and that's all Hitler sold. 'I'm angry and I'm frightened and you should hate that guy over there.' ... And that's what they're doing." --director Rob "Meathead" Reiner

Keep beating the same drum: "Republicans are cynical about politics from the jump. Political cynicism fuels them. Democrats are idealistic about politics. When they become cynical they tend to drop out. Message to Obama: Whatever happens Nov. 2, don't move to the center. Push even harder for what you believe in. Message to Democrats: Whatever happens, keep the courage." --former Clintonista Robert Reich

Newspulper Headlines:


Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Is Public Radio the Cure for Local News?" --Crosscut.com (Seattle)

Too Much Information: "Harry Reid: 'I've Never Had to Prove My Manhood to Anyone'" --Las Vegas Review Journal

Out on a Limb: "If Dems Lose, Obama Will Blame Everyone but Himself" --Washington Examiner

The Lonely Lives of Democrats: "Democrats Try to Woo Women as More Embrace GOP Candidates" --Washington Post website,

Life Imitates the Onion: "Democrats Could Lose Up to 8,000 Seats in Upcoming Midterm Election" --The Onion • "Republicans Put 99 Democrat-Held House Seats in Danger" --Politico.com

Bottom Stories of the Day: "Trial Lawyers Donate Millions of Dollars to Democratic Candidates" --ABA Journal

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)

Short Cuts

"In 2008 Obama promised us the moon if elected President. Instead ... gullible Americans got mooned." --columnist Doug Giles

"National Public Radio is a monument to political correctness. Its acronym might better be thought of as 'not professionally responsible.' It is not a left-leaning organization. The Leaning Tower of Pisa leans. NPR has fallen over completely for the 'progressive' agenda. It is supine. Horizontal." --columnist Ken Blackwell

"The Chamber of Commerce ridiculed the White House claim Friday that it funnels foreign money to GOP candidates. The president made a point he didn't intend to make. We can't allow foreign money to steal our democracy, we need it to fund our debt." --comedian Argus Hamilton

"Why would anyone blame Obama for the deficit when all he did was double it?" --Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto

"People you wouldn't trust around heavy machinery or sharp tools should never be trusted to run America. The only place they'll run it is into the ground." --columnist Burt Prelutsky



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: election; halloween; obamajokes; ofst; silliness; vacationgal
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To: Lucky9teen; All

How do you make a witch faint?

Use a dizzy spell!

 

What do you call a mummy who eats cookies in bed?

A crumby mummy!

 

What do you say to a 2-headed monster?

Hello, hello.

 

How can you tell that Doctor Victor Frankenstein had a good sense of humour?

Because he kept his monster in stitches.

 

How do mummies hide?

They wear masking tape.

 

How does a witch tell time?

She looks at her witch watch.

 

What do you get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and

divide it by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

 

What are a vampire's favourite snacks?

Adam's apples and nectarines.

 

What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?

I'd like to get to gnaw you.

 

What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?

"You're under a vest!"

 

What did the bat say to the witch's hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

 

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?

Put your boos and shocks on.

 

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?

"Don't spook until you're spooken to."

 

How do you make a milkshake?

You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

 

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?

By blood vessels.

 

How do you make a witch scratch?

Take away her "W".

21 posted on 10/29/2010 6:42:18 AM PDT by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
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To: Lucky9teen

“What’s scarier than being a Democrat this Election Day?”

Being a Democrat on the day AFTER election day!!


22 posted on 10/29/2010 6:48:45 AM PDT by SMARTY ("..discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you")
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To: Lucky9teen

23 posted on 10/29/2010 6:56:27 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

top 25


24 posted on 10/29/2010 7:02:14 AM PDT by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yeaaaa!! It’s friday WooHOO!!


25 posted on 10/29/2010 7:04:59 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen
My favorite home made Halloween costume was a T shirt
covered with several types of cereal glued on it along
with a plastic bowl and spoon.

It stood for serial killer!

26 posted on 10/29/2010 7:06:20 AM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ((B.?) Hussein (Obama?Soetoro?Dunham?) Change America Will Die From.)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!!


27 posted on 10/29/2010 7:11:09 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.)
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To: Lucky9teen

My psychic told me not to post anything for a while so, sorry folks, there will not be any posts from me today.

Obama at dinner time(funny funny stuff)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=CA&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=aXQTaWjMoFw


28 posted on 10/29/2010 7:11:38 AM PDT by 240B (he is doing everything he said he wouldn't and not doing what he said he would)
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To: Lucky9teen
Phunniest Photoshop I've seen in awhile:


29 posted on 10/29/2010 7:27:17 AM PDT by upchuck (When excerpting please use the entire 300 words we are allowed. No more one or two sentence posts!)
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To: Lucky9teen
PRESIDENT OBAMA?

"Scary stuff, kids!"


30 posted on 10/29/2010 7:28:34 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: Lucky9teen
Taking all the credit: "I almost gag when I hear these Republicans lambasting the president and the Democrats in Congress, 'Oh, they're such big spenders, they're just crazy, they're quasi-socialist.' I have a simple question: Who's the last president to give you a balanced budget? ... [F]rankly there are a few things about this election that have gotten me somewhere between disturbed and ticked off." --Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton pilfering the military budget didn't prevent the 9-11-2001 attacks. 3,000 Americans died because of the policies of Bill Clinton. Never forget.

31 posted on 10/29/2010 7:36:57 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: Lucky9teen
Halloween Obama 08 - 2 Pictures, Images and Photos
32 posted on 10/29/2010 7:42:56 AM PDT by marine86297 (I'll never forgive Clinton for Somalia, my blood is on his hands)
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To: Izzy Dunne

Million to one shot, doc.


33 posted on 10/29/2010 7:43:47 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: marine86297

34 posted on 10/29/2010 7:44:32 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: upchuck

35 posted on 10/29/2010 7:46:12 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: upchuck

36 posted on 10/29/2010 7:46:31 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The establishment clause isn't just against my OWN government establishing state religion in America)
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To: Lucky9teen; The_Victor; Shyla; MissTed

Some engineer humor

37 posted on 10/29/2010 7:46:59 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: absolootezer0; Tatze; MissTed; girlscout

38 posted on 10/29/2010 7:52:00 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: a fool in paradise

Pretty sad that toon actually believes that propaganda.

The “last” President to produce a balanced budget was Reagan, and it was announced Dead On Arrival by the dem congress.


39 posted on 10/29/2010 7:54:30 AM PDT by PeaceBeWithYou (De Oppresso Liber! (50 million and counting in Afghanistan and Iraq))
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To: a fool in paradise

40 posted on 10/29/2010 8:06:05 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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