Posted on 06/14/2010 1:19:25 PM PDT by hoagy62
I need some advice for a friend of mine from my church. Since none of you know where I go or who he is, I can protect his anonymity. He doesn't know I'm doing this.
He seemed a bit upset at church this weekend, so I asked what happened. Here's what he told me: Last Tuesday, he was on Facebook. He noticed that he'd received a private message from someone he'd 'friended' about a month earlier. This woman was a high-school acquaintance, one of several he's added to his friend list in anticipation of his 30-year high school reunion coming this summer.
Anyway, this message said "What did you do to my little sister at your dad's lake cabin?" He thought about it...the sister in question was about 12 at the time and he was 16 or 17. Her mom and his dad worked together for the city and his dad invited them out to the cabin for a day during his vacation. My friend asked back "What are you talking about?" According to this woman, her sister just recently revealed to her that she remembers this guy (my friend) trying to get him to touch his genitals. He told me that he does remember that she was AT the lake cabin, but he has no recollection of this incident. He does remember that they swam together and that there was a lot of splashing, but NOTHING like what this woman is accusing him of.
The conversation went from messages to chat (she initiated it) and they spent the next half-hour or so going back and forth...him denying any knowledge of the incident, and her calling him a liar and a pervert an saying that if she'd have found this out back in high school, he'd have been dead. During the course of the conversation, she'd said that the sister did tell her mother about the incident, and the mother told her to 'let it go', whether because she didn't think anything of it, or for other reasons, he doesn't know. WHY this was brought up NOW, my friend has no idea. The conversation ended with him saying that IF anything happened...and if it did it was totally unintentional...that he was sorry for her BUT that he didn't do anything, and with her saying that he's lucky that she has love and respect for his dad. There have been no further contacts.
Some things to know about my friend-he's happily married, has kids, and had been a Christian for over 20 years. He said that he brought his wife in as soon as the accusation was made, and she sat there with him and saw the conversation. She got on her laptop and looked up the law in our state. Apparently, the statute of limitations expired YEARS ago for that kind of incident, so no charges could be filed. He swears to me that there was NO rape or intercourse.
What he's afraid of is a lawsuit where this woman would try to extract money from him. I'm thinking that for something that happened more than 30 years ago and with no physical evidence save for her word against his...that's not something a court would even consider. His wife believes him that nothing happened. He also went to one of our pastors and relayed the same story. The pastor said that something he learned in psychology (a degree he's working for right now) if a person replays an incident over and over in their mind the way they THOUGHT it went, even if that was NOT what happened, they convince themselves that THEIR perception of what happened is the truth.
My question for you, my fellow FReepers is: Should this guy worry? Should he lawyer up in preparation for a possible lawsuit? (According to him, the woman gave no indication that any reparations or damages were being considered...for what it's worth.)
My friend is an upstanding guy and he's really upset that this accusation was made.
Or you could simply stay off those threads and stick to reading and posting to subjects you like. It's like TV -- I can't stand MSNBC and CNN, so I don't watch them.
He said that he couldn’t remember anything like that happening.
He says he received the friend request FROM HER, and assumed it was because of the upcoming reunion. He also says there were NO messages from her to him before that night.
I’m also beginning to think this is an extortion attempt.
But it does sound like the woman's sister (doing the postings) is a threat.
Best advice is to make no further contact, comment, or acknowledgment. If she approaches him again, he should be friendly, and behave as if he does not know what she is talking about. Do not engage or react. Exit when asap.
The 30 year old memory of a 12 year old girl of a non-crime with no evidence, lots of denials, no witnesses, no police reports and a supportive wife?
Apparently the only thing your friend is concerned about is his own poor memory and some seeds of doubt that have been planted.
Because there is no possibility of successful legal action against him on any front.
My advice:
1) Explain that he is a very decent guy who would be concerned when anyone appears mad at him. There are a lot of evil people in the world seeking to exploit people like your friend.
2) Stop talking to this person on Facebook, or get off of Facebook all together.
I think the above sentence does not involve the younger sister at all.
It's no crime (yet) to touch one's genitals.
“The conversation ended with him saying that IF anything happened...and if it did it was totally unintentional...that he was sorry for her BUT,,,,”
Review the video, “never talk to the police” for an easy tutorial on how that exchange alone will be twisted into a “confession”. He should never speak a word to that woman again. EVER, in person, on the phone, and not on facebook.
Whether or not the woman is psycho or mistaken. She sounds like shes on a jihad,, she’s beyond reason.
This sounds like the cyber version of being accused of rape. Simply ask “you are making a serious charge, do you have any evidence; as I consider this slander”. Reverse the aggression, bullies don’t respect weakness, and this woman sounds like a seriously disturbed bully.
Who goes on Facebook, asks to be a friend with a person they suspect molested their sister? Does that sound like a rational person?
So, chose to drop that person from your account, I believe the term is “Ignore”; then if you get a message - take the aggressive approach. Accusations of Slander, extortion and harassment are applicable in this situation, IMHO.
If he did nothing, he’s being forced into a sitution that is literally impossible to prove. How does one prove their innocence? Simply stated, you can not do this.
What you can do, is state that nothing happened .... PERIOD. Accusations to the contrary are harassment, slander and can easily lead to extortion. Tell her that she is not to communicat with him at any time henceforth, and that such an attempt will be met with a restraining order, and legal action against her.
If nothing else, it will make him feel better; knowing that he is not helpless in this matter. He does have alternatives to simply ignoring her, and feeling shamed into admitting something that did not happen.
“Stay away from crazy bitches.”
What you said!! Amen,,,
Chicks, man.
Seriously though - having spent 11 years in the Army, Facebook has helped me get back in touch with many friends I had lost track of over the years.
Of course, on the other hand, it has helped other people get in touch with me. Yikes.
The sentence SHOULD have read “tried to get HER to touch his...”
My proof-reading should have been better.
Not so fast either. If this gets spun into some kind of sexual assault, he could even STILL be prosecuted criminally. In many states the statute of limitations stops if you “flee” the state.
Say it had a stature of limitations of 6 years,, and two years after the incident, he left the state. That will be him “fleeing”. This is deadly serious and he needs to never speak about it, ever,,, to anyone except on advice of counsel.
Very good advice.
I guess it is OK for young folks but why a middle aged guy would be into this stuff is beyond me. Social networking sounds creepy to me. Like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
2. Cut all ties with the people involved.
3. Forget it.
Statue of limitations is way past. A civil suit for “recalled memories” will most likely go nowhere.
The above is not to be considered legal advice. Legal advice must be obtained from a lawyer familiar with your situation and licensed in your jurisdiction.
Idiotic legal advice.
Cease and desist any communication!
Way too many people talk themselves into jail.
Sorry about word “idiotic,” but NO further contact is essential.
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