Posted on 06/14/2010 1:19:25 PM PDT by hoagy62
I need some advice for a friend of mine from my church. Since none of you know where I go or who he is, I can protect his anonymity. He doesn't know I'm doing this.
He seemed a bit upset at church this weekend, so I asked what happened. Here's what he told me: Last Tuesday, he was on Facebook. He noticed that he'd received a private message from someone he'd 'friended' about a month earlier. This woman was a high-school acquaintance, one of several he's added to his friend list in anticipation of his 30-year high school reunion coming this summer.
Anyway, this message said "What did you do to my little sister at your dad's lake cabin?" He thought about it...the sister in question was about 12 at the time and he was 16 or 17. Her mom and his dad worked together for the city and his dad invited them out to the cabin for a day during his vacation. My friend asked back "What are you talking about?" According to this woman, her sister just recently revealed to her that she remembers this guy (my friend) trying to get him to touch his genitals. He told me that he does remember that she was AT the lake cabin, but he has no recollection of this incident. He does remember that they swam together and that there was a lot of splashing, but NOTHING like what this woman is accusing him of.
The conversation went from messages to chat (she initiated it) and they spent the next half-hour or so going back and forth...him denying any knowledge of the incident, and her calling him a liar and a pervert an saying that if she'd have found this out back in high school, he'd have been dead. During the course of the conversation, she'd said that the sister did tell her mother about the incident, and the mother told her to 'let it go', whether because she didn't think anything of it, or for other reasons, he doesn't know. WHY this was brought up NOW, my friend has no idea. The conversation ended with him saying that IF anything happened...and if it did it was totally unintentional...that he was sorry for her BUT that he didn't do anything, and with her saying that he's lucky that she has love and respect for his dad. There have been no further contacts.
Some things to know about my friend-he's happily married, has kids, and had been a Christian for over 20 years. He said that he brought his wife in as soon as the accusation was made, and she sat there with him and saw the conversation. She got on her laptop and looked up the law in our state. Apparently, the statute of limitations expired YEARS ago for that kind of incident, so no charges could be filed. He swears to me that there was NO rape or intercourse.
What he's afraid of is a lawsuit where this woman would try to extract money from him. I'm thinking that for something that happened more than 30 years ago and with no physical evidence save for her word against his...that's not something a court would even consider. His wife believes him that nothing happened. He also went to one of our pastors and relayed the same story. The pastor said that something he learned in psychology (a degree he's working for right now) if a person replays an incident over and over in their mind the way they THOUGHT it went, even if that was NOT what happened, they convince themselves that THEIR perception of what happened is the truth.
My question for you, my fellow FReepers is: Should this guy worry? Should he lawyer up in preparation for a possible lawsuit? (According to him, the woman gave no indication that any reparations or damages were being considered...for what it's worth.)
My friend is an upstanding guy and he's really upset that this accusation was made.
Can’t go thru life being bullied to do something or not do something that the bully wants. If he wants to go to the Reunion, then go..the other woman MAY NOT EVEN SHOW UP!!!
Her friends may be telling her not to go.
In Alabama the younger sister would have to bring charges, No one else can do it.. As far as a Law Suit? On what grounds? He didn’t do anything to the lady calling. And is that a crime? A 15-16 year old coming on to a 12 year old?
People shouldn’t be afraid or pushed around for something they didn’t do. What if next the lady calls back and says she was molested by him? Maybe the lady was drinking...or Bi-Polar.
Go to the Reunion...he may look guilty by not going.
I'm just sorry that your friend had to be dragged into that. Defriend the woman and not engage her any more.
Stop communicating with the woman.
I am leaving for a long while. The crazy religionists and vanity posts make me wish I was a liberal.
I think he should find a good lawyer immediately. This is simply beyond the pale, I wonder if the woman has a history of this type of online harrassment and extortion/slander attempts???
No loss to us...
That was something I already told my friend.
I only brought this up because I hurt for my friend. I also knew that FR has better legal minds than mine. Heck...we know a little something about EVERYTHING. That’s why I asked.
To ALL: I’ll relay this to my friend. Thank you.
Worst case scenario: Two under age kids, ones talks dirty, but nothing happened.
I’d stop communicating with the “lady.” You can’t prove the negative.
She is obviously unwilling to believe that he is even possibly innocent. She has judged and hung him based on one accusation. Alleged accusation. The guy doesn’t even know that the accusation is real.
I am sure it is very upsetting but I don’t see how it could be proven. Supposedly, he was 16 when he “did” it, anyway, so was a minor himself at the time.
Never talk to the police.
Or anybody elsem, for that matter.
Absolutely nothing he said/typed could have helped him, and probably only hurt him.
Complete dumbass move.
“He says that going to the class reunion is now out of the question, since he’s fairly sure the older sister will be there.”
Easy for me to say, but I’d go. I wouldn’t act guilty. If she starts slandering, he’s not there to defend himself.
I agree. Get a lawyer.
“I am leaving for a long while. The crazy religionists and vanity posts make me wish I was a liberal.”
What does this have to do with “crazy religionists?” Because the guy is described as a Christian?
As for vanity posts, if you don’t like them, you can avoid clicking on them.
Eschew Facebook.
That’s funny...I thought you WERE a liberal :)
He has specific incident but not general denial. “He swears there was no rape or intercourse,” but that does not cover touching.
Why did she chat for a time, then accuse?
Could be a number of things, from nothing, to touching, and we will never know.
Does he need a lawyer? Absolutely. What course the lawyer and he decide to take I have no idea, but he does need to see a lawyer to get those answers. Do not depend on a layman's read on SOL matters. There might be other charges and some events can “toll” or suspend the running of the SOL.
WHy anyone in their right mind is involved with facebook or myspace, etc, is beyond me.
Doesn’t sound like there’s any evidence to convict the accused on, so I wouldn’t worry about a criminal or civil charge. If the accused is entirely innocent but is concerned about the opinions of other people that the accuser might tell, I would see if this young woman has a church pastor that you might involve. See if she can make the accusation in front of G_d so to speak, or if she wishes to recant.
For what he MIGHT have done?
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