Paranoid about your health? Dr. Ozzy will set you straight (Ozzy is health advisor at London Times)

Boston Herald ^ | 6/8/10 | Lauren Beckham Falcone

[SilvieWaldorfMD]

Just when you thought a medical degree meant something, Ozzy Osbourne is now “Dr. Ozzy.”

Crazy, that’s how it goes.

The former pill-popping, pot-smoking, cognac-swilling ant snorter who was hit by a plane, treated for rabies, committed to a mental hospital and declared legally dead twice has a new gig - health columnist for the Times of London.

What, Keith Richards wasn’t available?

Writes Dr. Ozzy:

“It makes perfect sense: I’ve seen literally thousands of doctors over my lifetime, and spent well over 1 million pounds on them, to the point where I sometimes think I know more about being a doctor than doctors do.”

Well, if former hooker Ashley Dupree can dole out dating advice in the New York Post, then why shouldn’t the Prince of Darkness write about prostate checkups?

And does he ever:

“I had my prostate checked just the other week ... and couldn’t believe how many blokes said to me: ‘Your prostate? What’s that?’ I was like: ‘Look, chicks get breast cancer, and blokes get cancer of the prostate.’ One guy even asked: ‘Where is it?’ I told him, ‘Up your arse,’ and he went: ‘How do they check that, then?’ I said: ‘How do you think? It starts with a rubber glove and ends with your voice rising 10 octaves ... So my first advice as Dr. Ozzy will be: Don’t be ignorant.”

[martin_fierro]

** snort **

[Blue Jays]

Ozzy Osbourne has been missing since moving out of the home he shared with his wife Sharon Osbourne. Hope he is doing OK wherever he is...