Posted on 04/05/2010 10:24:30 AM PDT by Sax
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
Maybe your buddy Nick Danger, or Nancy (err, I mean Betty Jo), or Catherwood (that doddering scamp) can answer it for you, Rcky.
Looks like it was built by Tony Stark.
YOUNG CATHERWOOD
Don’t you see, Nancy? I’ve built the perfect time machine!
NANCY
Oh, it sounds dangerous!
YOUNG CATHERWOOD
Yes, that’s why I’m going to try it out first. Now, when I get into this grandfather clock, you hit me over the head with this bottle of Champagne, right here, set the dial for a thousand, and put in three dimes. I’ll be gone for a thousand years.
NANCY
A thousand! That’s longer than anyone’s ever been gone before!
YOUNG CATHERWOOD
But to you it will seem only like a minute! Very well, my love. Now, forward into the paaaaaaast! (breaking glass/Tardis)
NANCY
Gee, I hope he gets back before all this dry ice melts!
Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.Since the world is about to be destroyed, how'd he manage to do that? We'll see more of this hoaxing now that the global warming hoax has been exposed.
You realize this was an April Fools joke, right Sunken Civ?
“The way of the future. The way of the future. The way of the future. The way of the future....”
yeah, that’s why I used the Marx Bros.
I’ve been there! It’s in Middletown OH!
You are so busted . . .
I have heard that there is a possibility that someone from the future “could” travel into the present day.
But not a DAMN TWINKIE!
{g}
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