Posted on 04/05/2010 10:24:30 AM PDT by Sax
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
Hey,who wins the ninth at Belmont!
YES!!! There ARE Kit-Kats in the future...I knew it!!!! ;)
..."yeah you take Belmont, and I'll buy it with my power ball winnings"
Hey....this last line is what makes the story interesting. Either the facility wasn't that secure or there's something to this. LOL.
Pssssst! Buy zinc futures!!!!
Can they tweak their control panel and cause another ripple in time that prevents Obama from being elected and destroying the United States?
That would be one tax increase I'd be willing to pony up to!
When being from the future is outlawed, only outlaws will be from the future.
How’d he survive the destruction so he could come back to save us?
I wonder if those things could be used to propel a starship?
Back to the Future...!
that was a Barney Miller reference, wasn’t it..
Well, we already knew that this place was becoming a communist hellhole, but at least its going to be a Communist Chocolate Hellhole!! That is something at least.
Well the future may indeed be a communist chocolate hellhole, but hey! Kit-Kats for everyone!
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