19 Things a Man Should Never Say

Esquire.com ^ | 10/20/09 | staff

[GQuagmire]

We would herewith like to place a ban on the following words, phrases, and expressions, for reasons of overuse, offensiveness, or just because. Plus: Profanity alternatives!

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/funny-slang-language-dictionary/banned-words-1109#ixzz0UUgXOwS2

[weeweed]

Yes.......

[mountn man]

So, I’m supposed to let a fag-mag like Esquire tell me what a “man” shouldn’t say?

This was my EXACT thought within 5 seconds of beginning to read the actual article.

I was on a job (I work construction), one of my coworkers used the word "frig" instead of F---. Not friggin' just plain frig. I walked over to him, stuck out my hand, and told him his Man Card had just been revoked, and to hand it over. No self respecting man uses the word frig, as in "OH FRIG!"

[dfwgator]

[WOBBLY BOB]

"Wet me be queer"

[dfwgator]

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

The word "meld" is from the German melden to announce or declare. It was borrowed from pinochle, were certain runs of cards are "declared" prior to play and awarded points. So a "declaration" became a "combination".

Funny etymology.

[Hoffer Rand]

The correct answer to the question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” is “How ‘bout them Mets?”

Actually, the correct answer is "Honey I love you, here's my credit card."

[ctdonath2]

Exactly!

It's not "expresso", it's "eSpresso". Anyone who says the former doesn't know squat about coffee.

[Jewbacca]

I noticed a wonderful thread about victoria secret hopefuls got deleted.

Absurd.

[Jo Nuvark]

I did not know that.
You made me smarter.

[tired1]

If the shoe fits...

[longtermmemmory]

I think you nailed it.

These metrosexual excuses for men’s magazines (including the ones that PRETENT to be via having a bikini woman and phart jokes inside) have no place in discussions about what men should or should not be doing.

[heartwood]

My husband had dang well better “make love” to me. The alternatives do not suit.

And are fathers supposed to tell a toddler “Go help mommy” or “Go help your mother?”

Now if a man calls his wife “mommy”, ick. Reagans included.

[bolobaby]

LOL!

[tired1]

“Does this dress make me look fat?”

No dear, it’s not the dress.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

Law and Order Episode: (Lenny Briscoe and Ed Green arriving at the scene of a hit-and-run with fatalities)

Lenny: You say the perp turned north sped along 8th Avenue?

Young Uniformed Officer: He took off outta here like H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

Lenny: What percinct you from? Sesame Street?

[Jo Nuvark]

Don’t want to start a fight, just adding my two penneys.

I appreciate cuss word substitutions and have heard it said
that profanity is the crutch of a conversational cripple.

Men who do not swear are really, really sexy to me.

...just sayin’...

[mountn man]

Now if a man calls his wife “mommy”, ick. Reagans included.

On the other hand, a man CAN say "whose your daddy" or "come to papa" ;)

[CholeraJoe]

Whichever anonymous staff member wrote this should follow Katy Perry’s advice: “I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf, while j@*%ing off to Mozart.”

[Slings and Arrows]

Self-ping. (Or is that forbidden too?)