Posted on 08/12/2009 12:49:25 PM PDT by Jewbacca
U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
No I can’t, but I can send it out to my email list...
(( ping ))
A female reporter is being shown around a new ObamaCare Hospital
In the first room in the ward, she sees a patient furiously materbating in bed.
“Good Grief!” She exclaims, “That’s disgusting! Why is that man wanking in bed?”
“Well,” the nurse explains, “that man has a rare disease which causes him to make too much semen. If he doesn’t relieve himself five times a day, his testicles will explode!”
“Oh I see. That poor man,” says the lady.
Moving on to the second room, they look in to see a patient being given a blow job by a nurse.
Shocked, the reporter says “This is terrible, what’s your explanation for this?”
“He’s got the same condition as the first man,” replies the matron, “but he’s not covered by the Public Option.”
John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”
Q: What does one say to a Democrat in a three-piece suit?
A: “Will the defendant please rise?”
Q: How many Democrat does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just steal someone else’s light.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap and are protected by the government.
Q: Why does Barney Frank cry during sex?
A: Mace
Q: Why does Barney Frank cry during sex?
A: His asshole is being torn open.
In honor of its bailout by the Democrats Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate.
“That’s great!” the executive said. “But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive.”
“Yes, sir, it can,” the director replied. “An ounce of accountant’s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist’s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president’s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat’s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.”
“Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat’s brain? Why on earth is that?”
“Do you have any idea,” the director asked, “how many Democrats we would have to kill?”
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House."
Q: Why did God create Democrats ?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate’s usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?
Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.
What’s the difference between a Democrat politician and a leech?
A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
What’s the difference between a Democrat and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
A black man was running for office as a Republican against a white Democratic nominee in a southern state. This was the first time since reconstruction days that a black had run for office, and some bigots were upset. At the Black man’s first political speech, one of these people started heckling him as he began to speak, “What have you got to say for yourself, you black Republican bastard?”
Without blinking an eye or showing any emotion, the Black man replied, “I’m Black and proud of it; I’m Republican and proud of it; and if the last is true, it’s because my mother was too darn Democratic.”
Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, they’re really good people.
What’s black and brown and looks good on a Democrat?
A Doberman
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