Posted on 07/16/2009 7:47:15 AM PDT by franksolich
>>>>I was reading the Encyclopedia Americana, specifically the entries about the silkworm industry in France during the 1840s,<<<<<<
Wait...what?
I’m sorry. I am afraid we can’t be friends anymore.
So... farting at the table would be rude too, huh?
Damn, I was wondering why everyone left out of the breakroom. I thought they were all impressed by my ability to stuff 12 chicken wings in my mouth at once. But then I had to let one rip and everyone left. ugh.
Okay, folks, here it is, as posted at the original site:
I have “standard operating procedures” for situations requiring communication, and I’m here describing those situations in particular where one is dining; for other situations not involving dining, I have other procedures.
If dining with only one person, I never read. I give my full attention to that person; this is after all the situation I prefer, one-on-one, and if available in a booth (rather than at a table) in an obscure corner of the restaurant, where there is less “noise” from clutter, motion, light, and color.
In those instances, I never read, not even the headline of a newspaper.
However, there is a newly-evolving problem, and I might have to change the standard operating procedures here, with the advent and prolific use of cellular telephones. I am constantly amazed at how routinely—as if it’s no big deal—and automatically people, upon hearing their cellular telephone ring, stop in mid-conversation to chitchat on it.
Here I am, burning my brain, using a tremendous effort of both intellectual and physical gymnastics, to give this other person my full attention; to ensure that I am accurately “getting” what’s being said.
BlueStateSaint here keeps egging me on about purchasing a revolver, which of course is going to happen sooner or later, just to piss off the anti-Second Amendment bigots, but I’m still doing target practice. The “goal” is to learn how to shoot a hole into a cellular telephone without hurting anybody.
If dining with two people, I never read. Sometimes it seems to me it would be better if I did, but I don’t. Everybody tells their problems to the bartender; for reasons mysterious to me, bartenders in turn share their troubles with me.
In the case of dining with two people, the two people are usually a married couple or two good friends of each other, who much to my dismay have a habit of “letting their hair down” when around me, as if I’m supposed to adjudicate differences between them.
Or perhaps they simply just want to out-drama-queen each other in front of an audience.
I have no idea why I attract such situations, but I do.
Damn, I hate it when that happens.
If dining with three people, it becomes a great big grey area, but usually no. it all depends upon how well the three people get along with each other, in relation to myself. Probably about 10% of the time—I’m only guessing here—I do it, but most nearly all the time I don’t.
If invited to dine with four or more people, I respectfully “decline” about 75% of the time, accepting just enough invitations to keep me socially viable. I usually read at the table, but it depends upon the nature of the other company.
The one being complained about had nine other people there, three of whom are very good friends, and the other six more than acquaintances, but less than friends. These were mostly affluent people whose main interest of the night was Pa Kettle in the White House’s attempts to run the cattle industry into the ground.
My sentiments matched theirs, and they knew my sentiments matched theirs, and I had nothing new or interesting to contribute, so read instead.
This is a life that, really, tries to avoid such situations.
Being deaf, you can respond, “Yes, of course he did.” or “I don’t see why you put up with that!” or “Go ahead, I think it’s a great idea!” at random intervals, thus wreaking havoc among the personal lives of your acquaintances.
(h/t to my father, who uses this technique on the grandchildren.)
Invited to dine?
You mean like eating? Can’t says I get that much. What with the gasoline smell on my shirt and the cow manure on my boots.
Invited to dine.......
Nope, it don’t register.
LOL I do that. I am not 100% deaf but its well know I can’t hear well.
I say:
“five” or “Just rub a little salve on it” or “no it was a purple elephant”
If you feel the need to read, that is your signal that you should not be there. It would be better than you be at home by yourself than for you to read when socializing with others.
I didn't see this part when I clicked to read the rest over at the other site so I must have overlooked it.
When you read at the table you really aren't there anyway because you're engrossed in the book. People who are only acquaintances won't understand why you'd accept the invitation but then check out there at the table.
Another solution might be to enjoy your meal with these people (not reading) and once you've finished your meal, say your farewells and leave. A short explanation prior to going out as to why you'll be leaving once you've eaten would be socially acceptable.
I don't know whether all of the white noise you would be subjected to would preclude you from conversing with your immediate seatmates. If so then excusing yourself after you've eaten would be the route I'd follow if I was in your situation. You've already effectively done that mentally when you pull out your book and start to read.
As far as the cell phone idiots...I'd probably tell them prior to sitting down that I'd prefer they turn off their phones during dinner as it created havoc with you when there are interruptions in conversation.
I think “Miss Manners” would condone of such activity.
If you are dining alone, I don’t see any problem. If it is an informal cafe setting by two people who are working their way through school texts or the newspaper, again I don’t see a problem.
In a formal gathering (9 people) it is considered bad manners. But then, it is also rude to be neglecting some members of the dinner party while you go on and on and on long after the meal has concluded.
To that I can only repeat:
If you take the time to dine with someone, you must also take the time to converse with that someone - even if it is empty small talk. If you want to read - stay at home in your study, or go to the library.
You claim you decline invitations to large dinners “75%” of the time - the rest you accept to remain “socially viable” - how exactly do you remain viable while keeping your nose in a book at the table?
My momma would have slapped me upside the head.
Just being there is a big part of socializing. Some people can have a great time together without directly talking. Those who invited him likely knew that conversation would be a problem for him, and he may be mentally elsewhere during the event, but still desired at least his presence.
Hey, if most of the 10 people at that table wanted him around and were OK with the situation, fine. Awfully, um, Leftist to recommend social exile due to a situation most of the participants were OK with.
Many disastrous outcomes have been justified with, “But Grandad said we could!” But hey, at least he’s still alive ;-).
Amen. Rude and boorish. Stay home.
So if they are watching some inane crap on TV, I'm the rude one for cracking open a book while the rest of them gape slack-jawed at the TV all night!
If I had a cell phone turned on at the table, and it rang, I would answer it, because it could be the babysitter calling to say the kids are dead, or some other piece of important news that is time-sensitive (I realise that a call that the kids are dead would not be time-sensitive :-))
But if it was just a call to talk, I would cut it off and go back to my companion. Of course, I don’t use a cell phone for casual conversation or for work, because it just seems “too connected”, so the only purpose of my phone is for emergencies or for coordination with my family at theme parks.
There are times when I am in line and the “help” is on the phone, where I think I should call them on my cell phone to get better service.....
Do any of you know that Frank is profoundly deaf? He cannot take part in a multiple conversation when there is a lot of movement and visual distraction. It is difficult to lip read when people are eating, as well.
Frank, I only have a slight amount of age-related hearing loss, where I can hear the sound, but not always correctly interpret the content. It is much more difficult in a large group. I have the habit of reading while eating, as does my husband. We only do it when it is just the two of us. We will share what we are reading. After 35 years together, it is not essential to us to converse at every meal.
I suppose it is considered *rude*. I suppose the solution is to concentrate on the person closest to you, so you can see them and thus have a conversation. If they understand your hearing situation, you can ask them to repeat things for you, if necessary. When I am in a large group, I tend to concentrate on those closest to me, rather than attempt to understand what is being said at the other end of the table and then having to almost shout to respond to them. My close friends, who are aware of my hearing loss, will actually get up from their place, walk over to me and _then_ say something directly to me. That is really appreciated and perhaps someone you know could let the woman who commented on your manners that, in your case, it was thoughtless of her to assume you could join in with all the members of that large a group, especially while eating.
Do you sign? My son had a profoundly deaf girlfriend at one time and they would carry on a side conversation in sign no matter what else was going on. She was proficient in lip reading and _she_ would tell him, in sign, to cut it out because _he_ was being rude and making it difficult for her to carry on other conversations!
Rudeness is where you find it, I guess.
My vote is, it’s rude unless you are dining alone.
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