Posted on 07/10/2009 8:32:47 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
LaKeesha grimaced as she settled into the wheelchair, her swollen abdomen thrust forward. A high-pitched groan escaped her lips.
Mike moved the footrests into position under her aqua blue slippers. There had been no time to get shoes on when she roused her husband at 1:27 a.m. Although she had carefully packed her maternity bag weeks ago, still everything seemed so chaotic and rushed. Once in the car, they had called the Public Option Health Care maternity service to get their hospital assignment.
“Due to unusually heavy call volume, your wait time may be up to 27 minutes. Your call is important to us, please remain on the line. ...” Mike looked at his bride and smiled: “Good news, honey. We’re number 67 in the queue.”
They drove around the block in the Prius until an agent picked up.
“Thank you for calling Public Option Health Care, my name is Bhatravinda Prakesh, how may I help you?”
In a matter of minutes, Bhatravinda was able to find an immediate maternity opening in a hospital that accepted the Public Health
Option card within a 90-mile radius. LaKeesha and Mike couldn’t believe their good luck.
“My sister will be so jealous,” she said, “Wait till she finds out that we got same-day service and didn’t have to buy plane tickets.” At Detroit General Hospital, Mike wheeled LaKeesha up to the reception desk. She let out a loud wailing noise and pressed her palms against her belly. The lady behind the desk said, “I’ll be with you in a minute” as she continued to stare intently at her computer monitor.
Several more waves of contractions swept through LaKeesha’s slight frame. She tried to stifle her cries of pain, reluctant to interrupt the work of a dedicated public servant.
In less than 15 minutes the receptionist looked up, smiled and said, “That’s my fastest time ever in solitaire. Now, what do you want?” The check-in process went normally. LaKeesha lifted her bangs so the woman could scan her bar code, then they went back outside.
Because Public Option Health Care requires that patients spend no more than three hours in the waiting room, LaKeesha and Mike joined several dozen people who were standing under the awning — some nursing wounds, others nursing cigarettes. LaKeesha stifled a cough.
“Isn’t it great that it’s not snowing?” Mike said. LaKeesha agreed that “someone up there must be watching over us.” When the pager vibrated, Mike practically jumped out of his skin. Quickly, he wheeled her into the reception area where the union shop steward directed him to the reserve waiting room.
“We’re still trying to locate an approved obstetrician,” the steward said. “If we can’t find one, what’s your second choice? I can offer you a cardiologist, an oncologist or a large-animal veterinarian.”
Mike patted LaKeesha’s arm. “If it’s alright with my wife, we’ll take the one that has experience assisting in birth.”
Just two and half hours later, Dr. Oberholtzer arrived.
He was a cheerful man with a full mustache wearing bib overalls. “They’re going to get you bedded down, girl, while I get my tools ... uh ... my instruments from the truck.”
As the time came for her to deliver, Mike appreciated the doctor’s gentle manner, the way he whispered encouragement while patting LaKeesha’s flanks.
The cry of the infant came not a moment too soon.
“You were great, honey,” Mike said. “You did that last push just as the room timer expired.” Moments later, on the way out the hospital door, the steward caught up with them.
“Wait ... here’s your baby’s Public Health Option lifetime card.”
LaKeesha took it with her right hand as she cradled baby Barack in her left arm.
“Look, Mike, look,” she said. “He’s holding onto the card.”
“That’s some grip he’s got there,” the proud new daddy said, as he whipped out his cell phone. “Now let’s see if we can find him a maternity ward that has room for a newborn. ...”
“Due to unusually heavy call volume, your wait time may be up to 27 minutes.”
“Good news, honey,” Mike said. “We’re number 67 in the queue.”
Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
> Right, you have the only excellent socialized health care in the history of the world.
I think this has been helped by a few factors:
1) Our size: we’re only 4 Million in population
2) Continual focus: our economy and infrastructure has been focused upon delivering good socialized medicine for many decades
3) A good “no-fault” Accident Compensation scheme. It is impossible to sue for personal injury in NZ. Instead you get compensated by compulsory accident insurance. Cuts huge amount of cost out of the medical system’s model.
Satire only works when it has a basis in fact. Everyone who has read about Goverment healthcare knows the horror stories.
Maybe if/when we get Obama care, Old Hussian would have the bad luck of going to a non-privledged hospital and wait 24 hrs only to have a GS-9 work on him.
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