Posted on 07/10/2009 8:32:47 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
LaKeesha grimaced as she settled into the wheelchair, her swollen abdomen thrust forward. A high-pitched groan escaped her lips.
Mike moved the footrests into position under her aqua blue slippers. There had been no time to get shoes on when she roused her husband at 1:27 a.m. Although she had carefully packed her maternity bag weeks ago, still everything seemed so chaotic and rushed. Once in the car, they had called the Public Option Health Care maternity service to get their hospital assignment.
“Due to unusually heavy call volume, your wait time may be up to 27 minutes. Your call is important to us, please remain on the line. ...” Mike looked at his bride and smiled: “Good news, honey. We’re number 67 in the queue.”
They drove around the block in the Prius until an agent picked up.
“Thank you for calling Public Option Health Care, my name is Bhatravinda Prakesh, how may I help you?”
In a matter of minutes, Bhatravinda was able to find an immediate maternity opening in a hospital that accepted the Public Health
Option card within a 90-mile radius. LaKeesha and Mike couldn’t believe their good luck.
“My sister will be so jealous,” she said, “Wait till she finds out that we got same-day service and didn’t have to buy plane tickets.” At Detroit General Hospital, Mike wheeled LaKeesha up to the reception desk. She let out a loud wailing noise and pressed her palms against her belly. The lady behind the desk said, “I’ll be with you in a minute” as she continued to stare intently at her computer monitor.
Several more waves of contractions swept through LaKeesha’s slight frame. She tried to stifle her cries of pain, reluctant to interrupt the work of a dedicated public servant.
In less than 15 minutes the receptionist looked up, smiled and said, “That’s my fastest time ever in solitaire. Now, what do you want?” The check-in process went normally. LaKeesha lifted her bangs so the woman could scan her bar code, then they went back outside.
Because Public Option Health Care requires that patients spend no more than three hours in the waiting room, LaKeesha and Mike joined several dozen people who were standing under the awning — some nursing wounds, others nursing cigarettes. LaKeesha stifled a cough.
“Isn’t it great that it’s not snowing?” Mike said. LaKeesha agreed that “someone up there must be watching over us.” When the pager vibrated, Mike practically jumped out of his skin. Quickly, he wheeled her into the reception area where the union shop steward directed him to the reserve waiting room.
“We’re still trying to locate an approved obstetrician,” the steward said. “If we can’t find one, what’s your second choice? I can offer you a cardiologist, an oncologist or a large-animal veterinarian.”
Mike patted LaKeesha’s arm. “If it’s alright with my wife, we’ll take the one that has experience assisting in birth.”
Just two and half hours later, Dr. Oberholtzer arrived.
He was a cheerful man with a full mustache wearing bib overalls. “They’re going to get you bedded down, girl, while I get my tools ... uh ... my instruments from the truck.”
As the time came for her to deliver, Mike appreciated the doctor’s gentle manner, the way he whispered encouragement while patting LaKeesha’s flanks.
The cry of the infant came not a moment too soon.
“You were great, honey,” Mike said. “You did that last push just as the room timer expired.” Moments later, on the way out the hospital door, the steward caught up with them.
“Wait ... here’s your baby’s Public Health Option lifetime card.”
LaKeesha took it with her right hand as she cradled baby Barack in her left arm.
“Look, Mike, look,” she said. “He’s holding onto the card.”
“That’s some grip he’s got there,” the proud new daddy said, as he whipped out his cell phone. “Now let’s see if we can find him a maternity ward that has room for a newborn. ...”
“Due to unusually heavy call volume, your wait time may be up to 27 minutes.”
“Good news, honey,” Mike said. “We’re number 67 in the queue.”
Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
Satire right now.
Reality very soon.
I thought it was a story about MittCare. That was satire? My bad...
Both of our children were born in a socialized medical system hospital and received socialized pre-natal and ante-natal services. The care was world-class, couldn’t be better.
The System is what you allow it to be. If you let the Health Czar get away with it and give you crappy service, he will give you a system like in this satire.
If instead you tie up the Health Czar and put his goolies into a C-Clamp and tighten it until he squeals and howls, and if you refuse to loosen off until he delivers X, Y, and Z outcomes for the medical system, you’ll get something decent like what we have in New Zealand.
Here in NZ healthcare is an issue that can overthrow a government or decide an election. It is taken that seriously.
So if your President does persist in implementing social medicine, make sure “You The People” take control of it and make the Health Czar live in fear of C-Clamps.
Excellent advice from DownUnder.
LaKeesha took it with her right hand as she cradled baby Barack who was named for President-for Life Barack Obama...
New Zealand is just a tad different from the US. You don’t have hordes of illegal immigrants swarming over your borders, and it’s even difficult to immigrate to New Zealand legally. It will NOT work in the US, just as it’s not working in the UK or Canada. Canada keeps sending women over the border to US hospitals to give birth for lack of space in their own obstetric units. What happens when our system becomes the same socialist crap as Canada’s? Well, I guess then the story in this satire piece will look too good to be true to a lot of Canadian women.
DownUnder ????
Thought you were in New Zealand, not Aussie...
I think we’ll be spared that, thank G-d. Hard to stage a coup when the military hates your guts.
Well since it was satire...
However, anything is possible with this bunch...
FR doesn’t have the ability to make a ‘LOL’ large enough.
Look on the bright side: An 0bama “army” of Black Panthers and white trust-fund liberals vs the USMC...oh, I’d pay good money to see that!
Scott Ott rocks.
What if the NZ government decided to shift health care from socialized to citizen-paid?
Omaha Beach revisited...
The United States Marines will not be stopped...
and as for paying anything...
CNN will give it to you for the price of cable...
> What if the NZ government decided to shift health care from socialized to citizen-paid?
We have both socialized and private here. You can be on both at the same time (I am), or just the socialized. It’s actually a pretty good deal.
Health is something that our government does not dare meddle with much. It is an issue that would bring down a government very quickly — and probably cause civil unrest as well.
> Thought you were in New Zealand, not Aussie...
I am. I live in Waiatarua, not far from Auckland.
> New Zealand is just a tad different from the US. You don’t have hordes of illegal immigrants swarming over your borders, and it’s even difficult to immigrate to New Zealand legally.
That’s very true. Our gummint is in the process of rounding up overstayers, with a view to sending them home. It might take 30 aeroplanes to do this, max. Most are from the islands, with most of those being from Samoa or Tonga.
> It will NOT work in the US, just as it’s not working in the UK or Canada. Canada keeps sending women over the border to US hospitals to give birth for lack of space in their own obstetric units.
The other complication you have in the US is that you have 50+ systems, not just one uniform one. To make Obama’s plan work you will either need to make all states work the same, or you will need to run the whole medical industry federally. Either way it will be difficult.
> What happens when our system becomes the same socialist crap as Canada’s? Well, I guess then the story in this satire piece will look too good to be true to a lot of Canadian women.
IMO (and where my post was coming from) it doesn’t have to be bad, but in order to make it not be bad you need to turn health into the sort of issue that can bring down governments. The Health Czar must be forced to make the system the way You the People want it, and not the way he/she thinks it ought to be.
Needless to say, we’re talking about truckloads of money. You could even end up out-spending your Defence budget, easily.
But if socialized medicine is what you must have, make them do it properly. Put the Health Czar’s goolies in a C-Clamp and tighten it until he decides to do it right.
Right, you have the only excellent socialized health care in the history of the world.
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